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From: "Zink, Sheryl (sazi)" <SAZI@chevron.com>
To: "'Larry Zink'" <Zink@pdq.net>, "'Ken Zink'" <hellcat1@pdq.net>
Subject: FW: REDNECK ETIQUETTE
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 1997 14:27:38 -0700
> >REDNECK ETIQUETTE
> >
> >
> > - Redneck Driving Etiquette -
> >
> >When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
> >tires always has the right of way.
> >
> >Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
> >
> >When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
> >impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
> >
> >Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
> >driving.
> >
> >Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit
> in.
> >
> >Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> >
> > - Redneck Personal Hygiene -
> >
> >Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down
> item.
> >
> >If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
> >
> >While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
> >be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> >
> >Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette
> >lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same
> >goal and save hours.
> >
> >Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this
> method.
> >
> > - Redneck Entertaining in Your Home -
> >
> >A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> >taxidermist.
> >
> >If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to
> leave them
> >alone for a few minutes.
> >
> > - Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) -
> >
> >Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> >
> >Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to
> go out
> >with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years
> ago."
> >
> > - Redneck Theater Etiquette -
> >
> >Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> after
> >the movie has ended.
> >
> >Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> they
> >can't hear you.
> >
> > - Redneck Wedding Etiquette -
> >
> >Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> >
> >It is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
> >
> >When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
> >
> >A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but
> >also a proven fly deterrent.
> >
> >For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
> and a
> >clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though
> uncomfortable, say
> >yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
> >
> > - Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -
> >
> >Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
> >
> >Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> >
> >Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
> >
> >It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> >
> >Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's
> >considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> >
> >The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets,
> especially if
> >other people are around.
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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