> Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "inflight
> safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
> Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
>
> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
> out of this airplane..."
>
> Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
> going to switch the seat belt sign off Feel free to move about as you
> wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
> outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
>
> And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
> hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
> you for a ride."
>
> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
> lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>
> After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
> flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care
> when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like
> that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
>
> >From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest
> Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
> into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
> belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't
> be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
> pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
> grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
> traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If
> you are
> traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
>
> Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
> they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
>
> Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than
> Southwest Airlines."
>
> "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
> belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
> flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>
> "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>
> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
> some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
> none of them are on this flight...!
>
> Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
> Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
> was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell
> you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
> wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"
>
> Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
> ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
> terminal."
>
> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant
> came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
> Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
> halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
> warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
> way through the
> wreckage to the terminal.
>
> Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
> thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
> the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
> metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
>
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Despues en rato, crocodilo XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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