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ARGH those Suburbans

To: mgs@autox.team.net
Subject: ARGH those Suburbans
From: DOUGLAS_RUSSELL@yr.com
Date: Thu, 14 Oct 1999 13:22:54 -0400
          Are we still talking about Suburbans?  Great, here's my 
          contribution and I promise not to say anything LBC related.
          
          We just gave up our 93 8-passenger station wagon (caprice 
          classic) for a brand spanking new 9-passenger suburban.  It will 
          be my wife's (the soccer mom _ and swimming and scouts and 4H and 
          dance class and endless other activities) daily driver which she 
          will drive like a car.  She's all of 110lbs and 5-4 and 
          constantly tailgates while either yelling at the kids or gabbing 
          on the cell phone so look out for her - she will be the one who 
          can barely see over the steering wheel.  BTW, I've already put in 
          brighter headlights and raised the beam ever so much.  I want to 
          be sure to annoy the hell out of all those lowly sedan drivers.
          
          We've done the minivan thing and the Aerostar was great albeit 
          ugly.  It had 4 wheel drive and plenty of luggage space behind 
          the 3rd seat.  There was the image problem though- it is next to 
          impossible to pull up to a traffic light and be cool in a 
          minivan.  That notwithstanding, there are no minivans currently 
          available that will accommodate 2 adults, 5 kids and 
          accoutrements like luggage, bikes and snacks.  Thus, the Suburban 
          was a good choice.
          
          I think someone asked about the psychology of SUV owners.  I feel 
          qualified to answer.  In my professional opinion tire size and 
          body lift are inversely related to the male driver's penis size.  
          Thus, a highly lifted 4x4 with very large exaggerated tires 
          suggests that the owner has a rather small penis.  The tire size 
          and body height are symbolic manifestations of the small penis 
          owners need to compensate for his feelings of inadequacy.  Of 
          course, factory height and tires suggests that the male driver is 
          in possession of a normal size penis.  And oh, before you all get 
          carried away and start driving around on your wheel rims to 
          impress the ladies - forget it - as this will only suggest that 
          you are mostly a big dick.
          
          And please remember that I am on the digest so if anyone has 
          already mentioned this, please never mind.
          
          Dr. Doug
          
          69 C Roadster (ready for some fall cruising)
          69 B Roadster (on jack stands with no floors)
          77 B Roadster (out with some type of electrical flu)
          76 B Roadster (on loan)
          95 Jeep Wrangler Sahara
          99 Suburban
          
          

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