Hey ! I resemble some of those remarks ;>)
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MALE LANGUAGE PATTERNS
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I
can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the
table?"
"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it
works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the
remote are dead."
"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't
hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I
forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast
cars, and naked women."
"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to
the theme song of 'The Brady Bunch', the address of the first girl I
kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned,
but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS,
"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I
have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
hurt."
"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel
near the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I
think of some pretty soon."
"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my
coffee."
"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try
on another outfit. I'm starving."
"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at
the ball/hockey game."
"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will
ever see us alive again."
"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as
much as I like my truck."
"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans
them up."
"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly
capable of screwing it up without printed help."
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