This is for all the women on the list :)
----- Original Message -----
> >MALE LANGUAGE PATTERNS
> >"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched
> >hands, so I'm completely clueless."
> >"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
> >"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I
> >can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
> >"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern
> >connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
> >"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the
>table?"
> >"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it
> >works."
> >"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the
> >remote are dead."
> >"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
> >drive like a maniac."
> >"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't
> >hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
> >"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
> >"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I
> >forgot our anniversary again."
> >"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
> >"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast
cars, and naked women."
> >"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to
> >the theme song of 'The Brady Bunch', the address of the first girl I
> >kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned,
> >but I forgot your birthday."
> >"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS,
> >"The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
> >"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I
> >have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm
>hurt."
> >"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel
> >near the laundry basket."
> >"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I
> >think of some pretty soon."
> >"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
> >"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my
> >coffee."
> >"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
> >said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you
> >don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
> >"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try
> >on another outfit. I'm starving."
> >"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at
> >the ball/hockey game."
> >"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
> >hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
> >"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will
> >ever see us alive again."
> >"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as
> >much as I like my truck."
> >"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans
> >them up."
> >"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly
> >capable of screwing it up without printed help."
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