H2 Beer - A Must Read for All Beer Lovers!
TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of
a
three-way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the
Tike-Take karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr Otoma is
suing the
bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and is claiming
damages for
grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is
countersuing
for defamation and loss of customers
The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the
carbon
dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has
made the
beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.
Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because
hydrogen
molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more
rapidly;
individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak
with an
uncharacteristically high voice.
Exploiting this quirk of physics chic urbanites can now sing
soprano
parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of
Suiso
beer.
The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling
point,
even though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate
marketing
ploy.
It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth
using a
cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature
singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place
in pubs
everywhere.
"Mr Otoma has no one to blame but himself.
If he had not become drunk and disorderly,
none of this would have happened.
Our security guards undergo the most careful
screening and training before they are allowed
to deal with customers,"
said Mr Takashi Nomura, manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer
in order to maximise the size of the flames he
could belch during the contest. He catapulted
balls of fire across the room that Gojira
[aka Godzilla] would be proud of, but this was
not enough to win him first prize since the judgement
is made on the quality of the flames and that of
the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager
he was badly out of tune."
"He took exception to the result and hurled blue
fireballs at the judge singeing the front of Mrs.
Mifune's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and
lashes and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers.
None of these people have returned to my bar.
When our security staff approached he turned his
attentions to them, making it almost impossible to
approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to
hurl himself at Mr. Otoma's knees, knocking his legs
from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed,
and the force that propelled Mr Otoma's legs backwards
also pivoted around his centre of gravity and moved
his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was
his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch,
his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it
and it is own fault he swallowed that cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the
subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach
lining, nor the third degree burns to his oesophagus,
larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their
way out of his body.
His consequential muteness and loss of employment
are his own fault."
Mr Otoma was unavailable for comment.
|