OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN
> >1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
> >the last oil change.
> >2. Drink a cup of coffee.
> >3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> >maintained vehicle.
> >Money spent: Oil Change $ 20.00
> >Coffee $ 1.00
> >Total: $ 21.00
> >OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
> >1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil,
> >filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
> >2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
> >it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> >3. Open a beer and drink it.
> >4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >7. Place drain pan under engine.
> >8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> >10. Unscrew drain plug.
> >11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in
> >process.
> >12. Clean up mess.
> >13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >14. Look for filter wrench.
> >15. Give up: poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
> >16. Beer.
> >17. Buddy shows up: finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
> >tomorrow.
> >18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> >19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> >20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> >21. Walk to 7-11: buy beer.
> >22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
> >to gasket surface.
> >23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >24. Remember drain plug from step 11
> >25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >26. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> >along with drain plug.
> >27. Drink beer.
> >28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
> >29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> >30. Drink beer.
> >31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
> >frame.
> >32. Bang head of floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> >33. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench..
> >34. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December,
> >1992 in the left boob.
> >35. Beer.
> >36. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >37. Lower car from jack stands and accidentally crush one.
> >38. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> >during step 23.
> >39. Beer.
> >40. Test drive car.
> >41. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> >42. Car gets impounded.
> >43. Make bail.
> >44. Get car from impound yard.
> >Money spent:
> >Parts $ 40.00
> >DUI $ 2,500.00
> >Impound fee $ 75.00
> >Bail $ 1,500.00
> >Beer $ 25.00
> >Total: $ 4,140.00
> >-- But you know the job was done right! --
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