> >
> > News/Current Events Humor
> > Source: NPR
> > Published: March 31, 2000 Author: NPR
> > Posted on 04/03/2000 22:31:31 PDT by #1CTYankee
> > The Results
> >
> > 10th place: VW Bus
> >
> > "If everyone had to own one of these as a first car as I did, there
would
> > be no traffic jams anywhere. At least half of us would be so turned off
by
> > the experience of owning a car, that we would seek alternate means of
> > transportation."
> >
> > "There was no heat--unless, that is, the auxiliary gas heater caught
> fire."
> >
> > "The flower stickers were the only things that held the car together."
> >
> > "The bus had no heat, blew over in the wind and used the driver's legs
as
> > its first line of defense in an accident."
> >
> > "It was a death trap on the highway-you could never go fast enough. The
> > chances were good that you'd be hit from the rear."
> >
> >
> > 9th Place: Renault Dauphine
> >
> > "Truly unencumbered by the engineering process."
> >
> > "At the time, it cost about half the price of a Volkswagen... which was
> > half the price of everything else. How could Renault do this? Simple. It
> > had half as many parts."
> >
> > "This car topped out at 45 mph. Since the minimum speed on the Florida
> > Turnpike is 40, patrol cars would follow me, waiting for me to hit a
hill
> > so they could ticket me."
> >
> > "From a historical perspective, it's a shame that the French spent their
> > Marshall Plan dollars on automaking."
> >
> > "A side impact by a bicycle totaled my Dauphine after only one year."
> >
> >
> > 8th place: Cadillac Cimarron
> >
> > "GM thought they could take a Chevy Cavalier, slap some Cadillac stuff
on
> > it, add an extra $5,000.00 and sell a bundle. Tragically enough, they
> > pulled it off-for a while."
> >
> > "Hands down, worst car for the money spent. Yugos were junk, but at
least
> > they were cheap. This heap had a Caddy price tag!"
> >
> > "A stupid marketing ploy. Nothing more than a Chevrolet Cavalier, which
> > Roger Smith gussied up and called a Cadillac."
> >
> > "When we traded it in my wife was upset because we didn't keep it long
> > enough for her to buy a gun and shoot it."
> >
> >
> > 7th place: Dodge Aspen/ Plymouth Volare
> >
> > "This car began to rust while it was still in the showroom."
> >
> > "The stalling problem was so bad that I had to take a clockwise route to
> > work so I could make all right turns, and not risk stalling on a left
turn
> > in front of oncoming traffic."
> >
> > "After the floor boards rusted out in the rear, they would fill up with
> > water and freeze. I ended up putting soda crates on the floor in the
back
> > to keep people from falling under the car."
> >
> > "The only useful purpose this car served was as the model for the car
used
> > in National Lampoon's Vacation."
> >
> > "Owning a Volare was total ego death--the theme song, the vinyl Landau
> > roof, the inability to pass another car on the highway."
> >
> >
> > 6th place: Renault LeCar
> >
> > "I'm convinced that the body metal for this car was supplied by
Reynold's
> > Aluminum."
> >
> > "Like any French restaurant in America, it was overpriced, noisy, moody,
> > and would put you in mortal danger if you had an accident with anything
> > larger than a croissant."
> >
> > "Our Le Car couldn't climb a hill fully loaded, so the passengers had to
> > get out and walk up."
> >
> > "I left it unlocked overnight, and it was finally stolen. The insurance
> > check paid for a textbook."
> >
> >
> > 5th place: Chevy Chevette
> >
> > "An engine surrounded by 4 pieces of drywall!"
> >
> > "The Chevette just reeked of dinky-even the ad shouted that this was the
> > dinky little car for you. The ad didn't show the car going anywhere
> > fast... because it couldn't."
> >
> > "Plywood floor, printed circuit 'wiring' and no redeeming qualities. It
> > was a throw away, 'Saturday Night Special' from the word go."
> >
> > "If I got on the Interstate without being run over, the car would creep
> > towards 55. About an hour later, I'd reach it. Then, the shaking would
> > begin."
> >
> > "The big winter of 82-83 froze all the Chevettes in my town like dumb
> > ducks on an icy lake."
> >
> >
> > 4th place:AMC Gremlin
> >
> > "Calling it a pregnant roller skate would be kind."
> >
> > "It was entirely possible to read a Russian novel during the pause
between
> > stepping on the gas and feeling any semblance of forward motion."
> >
> > "The car had all the quality and safety of a cheap garden tractor."
> >
> >
> > 3rd place: Ford Pinto
> >
> > "Dad had a baby-poop-orange Pinto the year that car thieves hit our
> > street. Although a dozen cars were stolen in one night, ours was there
the
> > next morning, on a strangely empty block."
> >
> > "Remember that great Pinto bumper sticker, 'Hit Me and We Blow Up
> > Together?'"
> >
> > "The car would do 75 mph in 2nd gear, shaking apart and sounding like a
> > bat out of hell. In fourth gear, the top speed was 70 mph. What's wrong
> > with this picture? You do the math."
> >
> > "I took this car to a high-crime shopping mall and left it unlocked with
> > the keys in the ignition. I came back several days later and, much to my
> > disgust, it was still there."
> >
> >
> > 2nd place: Chevy Vega
> >
> > "When the rear end went on my Vega, the Chevy dealer accused me of
racing
> > it. Racing who? My grandfather in his wheelchair?"
> >
> > "As near as I could tell, the car was built from compressed rust.
> >
> > "My Chevy Vega actually broke in half going over railroad tracks. The
> > whole rear end came around slightly to the front, sort of like a dog
> > wagging its tail."
> >
> > "Burned so much oil, it was single handedly responsible for the
formation
> > of OPEC."
> >
> >
> > 1st place: The Yugo!
> >
> > "I once test drove a Yugo, during which the radio fell out, the gear
shift
> > knob came off in my hand, and I saw daylight through the strip around
the
> > windshield."
> >
> > "The Yugo's first stop after the showroom was the service department:
> > 'Fill 'er up and replace the engine!'"
> >
> > "Any time we made a right hand turn, we all had to lean to the right to
> > prevent the driver's side rear tire from scraping against the wheel
well."
> >
> > "At least it had heated rear windows--so your hands would stay warm
while
> > you pushed."
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
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