This has appeared elsewhere a few times, but everyone probably needs a
refresher
course on tools. <g> Credit Andrew Hay for posting this on diy_efi, so I could
steal
it and pass it on.
> an oldie but a goodie... enjoy!
>
> Automobile Tool Definitions
>
> Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
> as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts near the
>object
> aimed at.
>
> Mechanic's Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of
>cardboard
> cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes
> containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
>
> Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their
> holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling
> roll bar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the
> brake line that goes to the rear axle.
>
> Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> dismal your future becomes.
>
> Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
> they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of
> your hand.
>
> Oxyacetelene Torch: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage
> cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer
> (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never
>remember
> to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort
> Campbell.
>
> Zippo Lighter: See oxyacetelene torch.
>
> Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and
> motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems
> from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.
>
> Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest
> and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the
>Rolling
> Stones poster over the bench grinder.
>
> Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under
> the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
>whorls
> and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to
>say,
> "Django Reinhardt".
>
> Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you
> have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs,
>trapping
> the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
>
> Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
> hydraulic jack.
>
> Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters.
>
> Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another
> hydraulic floor jack.
>
> Snap-On Gasket Scraper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
> spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
>
> E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes
>and
> is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
>
> Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on
> crankshaft pulleys.
>
> Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool for testing the tensile
> strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have
> forgotten to disconnect.
>
> Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver: A large motor mount prying tool that
> inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
> without the handle.
>
> Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid
> from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that
> your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
>
> Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw.
>
> Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop
> light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which
> is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside,
>its
> main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate
> that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few
> hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its
>name
> is somewhat misleading. [Ed. note: it has not yet been confirmed
>that
> Lucas holds the patent on this device.]
>
> Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,
> as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
>
> Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air
> that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that
> grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by
> someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.
>
--
My other Triumph doesn't run, either....
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