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Jay,
This was just brilliant! I too hear your father's dry humor, it's what I
grew up with around my house as well. I missed these the first time around
as I didn't join the Tiger list until 2000 or so.
Bugz
On Fri, Nov 26, 2021 at 10:44 PM Jay via Tigers <tigers@autox.team.net>
wrote:
> I was going though old papers, and came across some early 1996 Tiger grou=
p
> emails that I had printed out back in 1996. Yeah, remember that? Paper
> printing? This was 25 years ago! Larry was clearly in a creative mood a=
nd
> sent five emails about alternative history, then my dad provided a few of
> his own. I hope you enjoy this - and add some new ones!!!!
>
>
> Larry=E2=80=99s (all five emails combined):
>
> 1965: Sunbeam=E2=80=99s fastback Tiger LeMans series now account for hal=
f of
> Tiger sales, outstripping sales of Chevrolet=E2=80=99s Corvette. Ford=E2=
=80=99s new
> fastback, the Mustang, off to a slow start.
>
> 1966: For the second year in a row, Sunbeam Tigers finish 1-2-3 at both
> LeMans and Sebring. The lightened Superleggera bodywork, supplied by
> Touring of Italy, provided a dramatic performance improvement versus thei=
r
> first efforts in 1964.
>
> 1967: Ford Motor Company resists pressure from its own dealers, and thei=
r
> domestic competition, to discount sales of engines to the Rootes Group,
> maker of the popular Sunbeam Tiger. A six month waiting list exists for
> the popular cars, while domestic high-performance cars languish on dealer=
s=E2=80=99
> lots.
>
> 1968: Safety advocate Ralph Nader=E2=80=99s attack on the Sunbeam Tiger =
has
> fizzled. His allegations of high risk for fire when struck from behind
> rang hollow when few instances of rear-end collisions were reports.
> Sunbeam management was heard to comment on the car=E2=80=99s high speed p=
otential -
> "if the Tiger is that fast, how could it be hit from behind?=E2=80=9D
>
> 1969: Yet again, the NHRA Summernationals dominated by the Tigress, a
> variation of the popular Sunbeam Imp powered by Ford=E2=80=99s V8 engine.=
Most
> important manufactures retrenching in the face of dizzying sales of Roote=
s=E2=80=99
> economy, and performance champion.
>
> 1970: What would have been epoch-making safety legislation this year has
> been voted down in the Senate. The pressure of public opinion, led by
> repeated protests by owners of the ubiquitous Sunbeam Tiger, indicates th=
e
> public just does not want the styling of their cars spoilt by heavier
> bumpers or other safety features.
>
> 1971: American Motors reports it may have to change its name, now being
> owned by a British company. The Rootes Group hopes to cover the
> beleaguered Kenosha company=E2=80=99s plants to production of the Sunbeam=
Tiger,
> which incidentally is rumored to be come mid-engined in the next model
> year. It is hoped that Wsconsin=E2=80=99s economy will benefit as Britai=
n=E2=80=99s has,
> with record low unemployment for yet another year.
>
> 1972: With so many of Ford=E2=80=99s V8 engine supplied in Rootes' Sunbe=
am
> Tigers, as well as the expanded Humber range and the revived Singer and
> Talbot brands, Ford is now the second biggest user of their own engines.
> In other news, collectors are rumored to be removing those V8=E2=80=99s t=
o install
> four-cylinder engines to create replicas of the now-discontinued Alpine
> variant.
>
> 1973: President McGovern today meets with Britain=E2=80=99s Prime Minist=
er George
> Harrison. It is expected that the US may pull out of NATO unless the
> balance-of-trade problem caused by sales of the cars built by the Rootes
> Group can be resolved.
>
> 1974: Sears, Roebuck & Co. announced today that their 1,731 auto centers
> nationwide will become effectively Sunbeam Dealerships, offering new cars
> (badged as Allstates), servicing and parts. Unique to Sears=E2=80=99 new=
approach
> is a racing preparation department, with high-performance engine by the
> Shelby American Corporation, a company believed to have been involved wit=
h
> Sunbeam=E2=80=99s successes in the early 1960=E2=80=99s.
>
> 1979: Sunbeam=E2=80=99s return to Formula One racing is in its fifth year=
, and
> expecting a second championship for star driver Mario Andretti. The
> success enjoyed by Rootes=E2=80=99 competition department in using the Fo=
rd
> Cosworth V8 has prompted an announcement that this engine will power the
> next generation Tiger, breathing new life into this perennial best-seller=
.
>
> 1980: The racing world was shocked today by NASCAR=E2=80=99s decision to=
admit
> the Kenosha-built Tigers in Grand National racing, leaving no major
> motorsports venue secure from the primacy of the Rootes group. One wonde=
rs
> if the carnival bumper-car rides are the only place to avoid being trounc=
ed
> by Sunbeams.
>
> 1982: This month=E2=80=99s Auto Industry Report features an in-depth int=
erview
> with the Rootes chemist responsible for the new substance TripolyOxyFerro=
n,
> which results from applying a new patented molecule to rusted steel, and =
is
> stronger than the original steel on which it is based. This is expected =
to
> be received well by owners of existing Rootes products. Also announced
> this month, by mail-order house J.C. Whitney, is a related product, a
> finish-abrading kit for car owners. The news release claims =E2=80=9Cgua=
ranteed
> prompt restting of any car=E2=80=9D and urdes car owners to. =E2=80=9CMan=
their cars
> sturdier today.=E2=80=9D A legal blocking action by Norton, Bear and oth=
er
> sandpaper manufactures is pending.
>
> 1988: Completing an industry consolidation unprecedented in history,
> Rootes Group has acquired both Morgan Cars, Ltd. and the Rover Group,
> leaving Rootes the only carmaker in Britain. Rover=E2=80=99s Jaguar marq=
ue, always
> at a performance and marketing disadvantage versus Sunbeam, now faces an
> uncertain future. A spokesman for Morgan, however, states that no change=
s
> to their operation are anticipated.
>
> 1991: A news release from United Artists hints at details of
> =E2=80=9CIcebreaker,=E2=80=9D the next James Bond film. Actor Michael J.=
Fox, in the role
> for the third time, will drive a Sunbeam Tiger with suitable modification=
s
> in the picture.
>
> 1992: Sunbeam dealers across the county can begin taking orders for
> ABS-equipped Tigers. All that is required is to check off box LAT2718 on
> the order form. Also, LAT2713, the rear-fasting third seat for the Husky
> mini-van, should begin shipping this week against all orders placed to da=
te.
>
> 1996: Shrewd investors in the classic-car market suggest that the next
> =E2=80=9Csleeper=E2=80=9D bound for rapid increases in value is the Shelb=
y Cobra, an
> obscure roadster from the early 1960=E2=80=99s. A few hundred of these
> Ford-powered sports cars were built, and they enjoyed some racing success=
es
> until succumbing to all-conquering Sunbeam Tigers. Pick one up now for a=
s
> little as five thousand dollars, and you can expect the value to double i=
n
> the next five years.
>
> 2207: Breakthroughs have been made on translating the transmission from
> Tau Ceti, giving valuable insight on how the Cetans became aware of us in
> the first place. It seems that the Fredgling Cetan space program stumble=
d
> upon one of our old deep-space probes, the Star Tiger, launched by Rootes
> Aerospace late in the 20th century. The earliest message-segments
> translated are requests for the whereabouts of one of their dieties, a Mr=
.
> Kenneth Howe, who the Cetans apparantly feel we can deliver to them.
> Historians are urgently searching the archives of the World Government fo=
r
> clues on the subject, as well as why the Cetans feel we share their
> religious deference for the number eight. Stay netted for updates on thi=
s
> fast-breaking story.
>
> Steve Laifman (I so hear his humor in these):
>
> 1967: British-Aerospace, a subsidiary of the Humber Divisions of the
> Rootes Group, has announced a joint venture with Renault-Aerospatiale to
> develop a supersonic transport airplane. This =E2=80=9CSSA=E2=80=9D will=
travel at nearly
> twice the speed of sound from London to New York in 2 hours. Powered by
> phased arrays of 289 cu. in. V-8 motors, manufactured in Coventry by the
> Singer-Jaguar Division, are said to be capable of extra-atmospheric
> flight. Ticket reservations are being taken for a 200 pound English
> Sterling deposit, or $250,000.00 American dollars. (400 pound balance du=
e
> 6 months prior to departure).
>
> 1977: The first manned lunar landing, by Astronaught Sterling Moss, was
> accompanied by his cryptic historical comment =E2=80=9COne small step for=
man one
> more world to conquer for Alpine!=E2=80=9D His historic voyage aboard th=
e
> two-seater Sunbeam Tiger MoonMobile was only marred twice by having to
> smartly strike the Lucas fuel pump with his bumpershoot handle to restart
> the 900,000 horsepower Ford V-512 cylinder Tiger air-breathing rocket
> motor. This motor is made by the Singer-Ford subsidiary of the Rootes
> Group in Colonial Arkansas. Astronaught Moss pre-launch remarks about th=
e
> sensibility of carrying 250,000 miles of Dunlop-Goodyear air-hose was tak=
en
> as only in jest by His Majesty, while Mrs. Moss and the Children were
> present at the TV viewing in the luxurious and famous Tower of London Roy=
al
> Apartments. (Note from Jay: as most know, my dad was an actual rocket
> scientist, who certainly knew how to spell. So I can only surmise that
> when my dad typed =E2=80=9Castronaught=E2=80=9D it was another one of his=
tongue-in-cheek
> comments, and note that Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner spelled it that way fo=
r
> a gag they did).
>
> 1983: The rumored production of a retro-Alpine 1955 dropped coupe by the
> insular Honda Motor Car Company of Japan has been denied by the Ministry =
of
> Trade and Industry (MITI). They are quoted as saying =E2=80=9CAny manufa=
cture of
> products protected by international copyright and patent agreements could
> never happen in this country. The rumor of nostalgia buffs is denied, an=
d
> apologies are tendered to His Majesty=E2=80=99s Government and were deliv=
ered
> toPrime Minister John F. Kennedy=E2=80=99s ambassador, the Right Honourab=
le Michael
> Jackson.=E2=80=9D His Majesty=E2=80=99s Government accepted the apology =
and stood down the
> Colonial Seventh Fleet being prepared for battle in Cook=E2=80=99s Harbou=
r,
> Honolulu Colony.
>
> In other news, Setsumosa Kiosaka, manager of research and development at
> the Nissan-Mazda division of Honda was found to have committed ritual
> sepuku by severing his arms, legs, and head simultaneously in five rooms =
of
> his Tokyo apartment. No comment was forthcoming rom his widows or corpora=
te
> spokesmen.
>
> _______________________________________________
>
> tigers@autox.team.net
>
> Donate: http://www.team.net/donate.html
> Archive: http://www.team.net/pipermail/tigers
> http://autox.team.net/archive
>
> Unsubscribe:
> http://autox.team.net/mailman/options/tigers/mark44124@gmail.com
>
>
>
--000000000000e61ffd05d1c9d4c1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
<div dir=3D"ltr"><div>Jay,</div><div>This was just brilliant! I too hear yo=
ur father's dry humor, it's what I grew up with around my house as =
well. I missed these the first time around as I didn't join the Tiger l=
ist until 2000 or so.<br></div><div>Bugz<br></div></div><br><div class=3D"g=
mail_quote"><div dir=3D"ltr" class=3D"gmail_attr">On Fri, Nov 26, 2021 at 1=
0:44 PM Jay via Tigers <<a href=3D"mailto:tigers@autox.team.net";>tigers@=
autox.team.net</a>> wrote:<br></div><blockquote class=3D"gmail_quote" st=
yle=3D"margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left:1px solid rgb(204,204,204);padd=
ing-left:1ex">I was going though old papers, and came across some early 199=
6 Tiger group emails that I had printed out back in 1996.=C2=A0 Yeah, remem=
ber that?=C2=A0 Paper printing?=C2=A0 This was 25 years ago!=C2=A0 Larry wa=
s clearly in a creative mood and sent five emails about alternative history=
, then my dad provided a few of his own.=C2=A0 I hope you enjoy this - and =
add some new ones!!!!=C2=A0 <br>
<br>
<br>
Larry=E2=80=99s (all five emails combined):<br>
<br>
1965:=C2=A0 Sunbeam=E2=80=99s fastback Tiger LeMans series now account for =
half of Tiger sales, outstripping sales of Chevrolet=E2=80=99s Corvette.=C2=
=A0 Ford=E2=80=99s new fastback, the Mustang, off to a slow start.<br>
<br>
1966:=C2=A0 For the second year in a row, Sunbeam Tigers finish 1-2-3 at bo=
th LeMans and Sebring.=C2=A0 The lightened Superleggera bodywork, supplied =
by Touring of Italy, provided a dramatic performance improvement versus the=
ir first efforts in 1964.<br>
<br>
1967:=C2=A0 Ford Motor Company resists pressure from its own dealers, and t=
heir domestic competition, to discount sales of engines to the Rootes Group=
, maker of the popular Sunbeam Tiger.=C2=A0 A six month waiting list exists=
for the popular cars, while domestic high-performance cars languish on dea=
lers=E2=80=99 lots.<br>
<br>
1968:=C2=A0 Safety advocate Ralph Nader=E2=80=99s attack on the Sunbeam Tig=
er has fizzled.=C2=A0 His allegations of high risk for fire when struck fro=
m behind rang hollow when few instances of rear-end collisions were reports=
.=C2=A0 Sunbeam management was heard to comment on the car=E2=80=99s high s=
peed potential - "if the Tiger is that fast, how could it be hit from =
behind?=E2=80=9D<br>
<br>
1969:=C2=A0 Yet again, the NHRA Summernationals dominated by the Tigress, a=
variation of the popular Sunbeam Imp powered by Ford=E2=80=99s V8 engine.=
=C2=A0 Most important manufactures retrenching in the face of dizzying sale=
s of Rootes=E2=80=99 economy, and performance champion.<br>
<br>
1970:=C2=A0 What would have been epoch-making safety legislation this year =
has been voted down in the Senate.=C2=A0 The pressure of public opinion, le=
d by repeated protests by owners of the ubiquitous Sunbeam Tiger, indicates=
the public just does not want the styling of their cars spoilt by heavier =
bumpers or other safety features.<br>
<br>
1971:=C2=A0 American Motors reports it may have to change its name, now bei=
ng owned by a British company.=C2=A0 The Rootes Group hopes to cover the be=
leaguered Kenosha company=E2=80=99s plants to production of the Sunbeam Tig=
er, which incidentally is rumored to be come mid-engined in the next model =
year.=C2=A0 It is hoped that Wsconsin=E2=80=99s economy will benefit as Bri=
tain=E2=80=99s has, with record low unemployment for yet another year.<br>
<br>
1972:=C2=A0 With so many of Ford=E2=80=99s V8 engine supplied in Rootes'=
; Sunbeam Tigers, as well as the expanded Humber range and the revived Sing=
er and Talbot brands, Ford is now the second biggest user of their own engi=
nes.=C2=A0 In other news, collectors are rumored to be removing those V8=E2=
=80=99s to install four-cylinder engines to create replicas of the now-disc=
ontinued Alpine variant.<br>
<br>
1973:=C2=A0 President McGovern today meets with Britain=E2=80=99s Prime Min=
ister George Harrison.=C2=A0 It is expected that the US may pull out of NAT=
O unless the balance-of-trade problem caused by sales of the cars built by =
the Rootes Group can be resolved.<br>
<br>
1974:=C2=A0 Sears, Roebuck & Co. announced today that their 1,731 auto =
centers nationwide will become effectively Sunbeam Dealerships, offering ne=
w cars (badged as Allstates), servicing and parts.=C2=A0 Unique to Sears=E2=
=80=99 new approach is a racing preparation department, with high-performan=
ce engine by the Shelby American Corporation, a company believed to have be=
en involved with Sunbeam=E2=80=99s successes in the early 1960=E2=80=99s.<b=
r>
<br>
1979: Sunbeam=E2=80=99s return to Formula One racing is in its fifth year, =
and expecting a second championship for star driver Mario Andretti.=C2=A0 T=
he success enjoyed by Rootes=E2=80=99 competition department in using the F=
ord Cosworth V8 has prompted an announcement that this engine will power th=
e next generation Tiger, breathing new life into this perennial best-seller=
.<br>
<br>
1980:=C2=A0 The racing world was shocked today by NASCAR=E2=80=99s decision=
to admit the Kenosha-built Tigers in Grand National racing, leaving no maj=
or motorsports venue secure from the primacy of the Rootes group.=C2=A0 One=
wonders if the carnival bumper-car rides are the only place to avoid being=
trounced by Sunbeams.<br>
<br>
1982:=C2=A0 This month=E2=80=99s Auto Industry Report features an in-depth =
interview with the Rootes chemist responsible for the new substance Tripoly=
OxyFerron, which results from applying a new patented molecule to rusted st=
eel, and is stronger than the original steel on which it is based.=C2=A0 Th=
is is expected to be received well by owners of existing Rootes products.=
=C2=A0 Also announced this month, by mail-order house J.C. Whitney, is a re=
lated product, a finish-abrading kit for car owners.=C2=A0 The news release=
claims =E2=80=9Cguaranteed prompt restting of any car=E2=80=9D and urdes c=
ar owners to. =E2=80=9CMan their cars sturdier today.=E2=80=9D=C2=A0 A lega=
l blocking action by Norton, Bear and other sandpaper manufactures is pendi=
ng.<br>
<br>
1988:=C2=A0 Completing an industry consolidation unprecedented in history, =
Rootes Group has acquired both Morgan Cars, Ltd. and the Rover Group, leavi=
ng Rootes the only carmaker in Britain.=C2=A0 Rover=E2=80=99s Jaguar marque=
, always at a performance and marketing disadvantage versus Sunbeam, now fa=
ces an uncertain future.=C2=A0 A spokesman for Morgan, however, states that=
no changes to their operation are anticipated.<br>
<br>
1991:=C2=A0 A news release from United Artists hints at details of =E2=80=
=9CIcebreaker,=E2=80=9D the next James Bond film.=C2=A0 Actor Michael J. Fo=
x, in the role for the third time, will drive a Sunbeam Tiger with suitable=
modifications in the picture.<br>
<br>
1992:=C2=A0 Sunbeam dealers across the county can begin taking orders for A=
BS-equipped Tigers.=C2=A0 All that is required is to check off box LAT2718 =
on the order form.=C2=A0 Also, LAT2713, the rear-fasting third seat for the=
Husky mini-van, should begin shipping this week against all orders placed =
to date.<br>
<br>
1996:=C2=A0 Shrewd investors in the classic-car market suggest that the nex=
t =E2=80=9Csleeper=E2=80=9D bound for rapid increases in value is the Shelb=
y Cobra, an obscure roadster from the early 1960=E2=80=99s.=C2=A0 A few hun=
dred of these Ford-powered sports cars were built, and they enjoyed some ra=
cing successes until succumbing to all-conquering Sunbeam Tigers.=C2=A0 Pic=
k one up now for as little as five thousand dollars, and you can expect the=
value to double in the next five years.<br>
<br>
2207:=C2=A0 Breakthroughs have been made on translating the transmission fr=
om Tau Ceti, giving valuable insight on how the Cetans became aware of us i=
n the first place.=C2=A0 It seems that the Fredgling Cetan space program st=
umbled upon one of our old deep-space probes, the Star Tiger, launched by R=
ootes Aerospace late in the 20th century.=C2=A0 The earliest message-segmen=
ts translated are requests for the whereabouts of one of their dieties, a M=
r. Kenneth Howe, who the Cetans apparantly feel we can deliver to them.=C2=
=A0 Historians are urgently searching the archives of the World Government =
for clues on the subject, as well as why the Cetans feel we share their rel=
igious deference for the number eight.=C2=A0 Stay netted for updates on thi=
s fast-breaking story.<br>
<br>
Steve Laifman (I so hear his humor in these):<br>
<br>
1967:=C2=A0 British-Aerospace, a subsidiary of the Humber Divisions of the =
Rootes Group, has announced a joint venture with Renault-Aerospatiale to de=
velop a supersonic transport airplane.=C2=A0 This =E2=80=9CSSA=E2=80=9D wil=
l travel at nearly twice the speed of sound from London to New York in 2 ho=
urs.=C2=A0 Powered by phased arrays of 289 cu. in. V-8 motors, manufactured=
in Coventry by the Singer-Jaguar Division, are said to be capable of extra=
-atmospheric flight.=C2=A0 Ticket reservations are being taken for a 200 po=
und English Sterling deposit, or $250,000.00 American dollars.=C2=A0 (400 p=
ound balance due 6 months prior to departure).<br>
<br>
1977: The first manned lunar landing, by Astronaught Sterling Moss, was acc=
ompanied by his cryptic historical comment =E2=80=9COne small step for man =
one more world to conquer for Alpine!=E2=80=9D=C2=A0 His historic voyage ab=
oard the two-seater Sunbeam Tiger MoonMobile was only marred twice by havin=
g to smartly strike the Lucas fuel pump with his bumpershoot handle to rest=
art the 900,000 horsepower Ford V-512 cylinder Tiger air-breathing rocket m=
otor.=C2=A0 This motor is made by the Singer-Ford subsidiary of the Rootes =
Group in Colonial Arkansas.=C2=A0 Astronaught Moss pre-launch remarks about=
the sensibility of carrying 250,000 miles of Dunlop-Goodyear air-hose was =
taken as only in jest by His Majesty, while Mrs. Moss and the Children were=
present at the TV viewing in the luxurious and famous Tower of London Roya=
l Apartments. (Note from Jay: as most know, my dad was an actual rocket sci=
entist, who certainly knew how to spell.=C2=A0 So I can only surmise that w=
hen my dad typed =E2=80=9Castronaught=E2=80=9D it was another one of his to=
ngue-in-cheek comments, and note that Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner spelled it=
that way for a gag they did).<br>
<br>
1983:=C2=A0 The rumored production of a retro-Alpine 1955 dropped coupe by =
the insular Honda Motor Car Company of Japan has been denied by the Ministr=
y of Trade and Industry (MITI).=C2=A0 They are quoted as saying =E2=80=9CAn=
y manufacture of products protected by international copyright and patent a=
greements could never happen in this country.=C2=A0 The rumor of nostalgia =
buffs is denied, and apologies are tendered to His Majesty=E2=80=99s Govern=
ment and were delivered toPrime Minister John F. Kennedy=E2=80=99s ambassad=
or, the Right Honourable Michael Jackson.=E2=80=9D=C2=A0 His Majesty=E2=80=
=99s Government accepted the apology and stood down the Colonial Seventh Fl=
eet being prepared for battle in Cook=E2=80=99s Harbour, Honolulu Colony. <=
br>
<br>
In other news, Setsumosa Kiosaka, manager of research and development at th=
e Nissan-Mazda division of Honda was found to have committed ritual sepuku =
by severing his arms, legs, and head simultaneously in five rooms of his To=
kyo apartment. No comment was forthcoming rom his widows or corporate spoke=
smen.=C2=A0 <br>
<br>
_______________________________________________<br>
<br>
<a href=3D"mailto:tigers@autox.team.net"; target=3D"_blank">tigers@autox.tea=
m.net</a><br>
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</blockquote></div>
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