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From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
To: joker@joker.org
Subject: Insurance Claims - Joke of the Day
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Reply-To: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
Date: Mon, 13 Mar 2000 21:41:44 -0800
Message-Id: <LYR190401-243-2000.03.13-21.41.44--CoolVT#aol.com@send.memail.com>
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The Original Joke of the Day http://www.joker.org
_____________________________________________________________________
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True extracts from UK Insurance Claim forms; These are NEW (mostly),
and were collected by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas
magazine.
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
thought."
--------------------
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I
realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a
blanket."
--------------------
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?
--------------------
This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and
answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
--------------------
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."
--------------------
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
--------------------
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion
reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
--------------------
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
--------------------
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have
asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
--------------------
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a
hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
--------------------
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis
ran into the rear of second car."
--------------------
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
--------------------
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him
again"
--------------------
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment."
--------------------
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."
--------------------
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
--------------------
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
--------------------
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
--------------------
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
--------------------
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I
did not seethe other car."
--------------------
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
--------------------
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian."
--------------------
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
--------------------
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
--------------------
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in
a ditch by some stray cows."
_____________________________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________________________
The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's one called brightness, but it doesn't work.
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