Well, if us Northerners only had our indoor kitchens installed a generation
ago, we'd be darn good barbecuers too.
Flame Suit Engaged....
LMAO
Michael
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Greg Gowins [SMTP:cartman@dnai.com]
> Sent: Monday, January 31, 2000 12:32 PM
> To: Spridgets List
> Subject: Warnings for those Yankees attending SPRIDGETSTOCK 2000 (not
> a lick o' LBC)
>
> All good Southerners already know this, but in fairness to those Yankees
> (northerners visiting the South) or Damn Yankees (northerners who visit
> the
> South and stay) who may venture South, there are some things you need to
> know. Southerners who may have Yankees visiting this season (such as you,
> Liz), please pass this along.
>
> 1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a
> day, so let them cook something they know.
>
> 2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann,
> Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whoop a man's ass for less than
> that.
>
> 3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda ~ this can lead to a
> merciless beating. Down South, it's called Coke, even if you want a
> Pepsi.
>
> 4. Don't show allegiances to any college football squad that isn't an SEC
> or
> Big XII team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play
> some ivy league school every week.
>
> 5. Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are
> more literate than you (e.g., Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated,
> and generally much nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense
> (e.g.,
> Turner Broadcasting, MCI/WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can
> have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g., Clinton, Fordice, Duke).
> We don't care if you think we're dumb ~ we know better!
>
> 6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your bitching,
> spend
> your money, and leave.
>
> 7. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this,
> everyone
> will know you're from Ohio, New Jersey, or worse, Philadelphia. Eat the
> biscuits like God intended, and for God's sake, don't put sugar in your
> grits.
>
> 8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot
> faster.
>
> 9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you
> don't like it here, take your Yankee ass back home.
>
> 10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy-ass
> northern
> games, so don't ask about the scores. We simply don't care.
>
> 11. We know how to speak proper English ~ we talk this way because we want
> to and we can. It's like playing jazz ~ you have to know how to do it
> right
> first.
>
> 12. Last, but by no means, least, DO NOT try to tell us how to bar-b-q.
> This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa.
> You're damn lucky that we let you come down here in the first place, so
> don't push your luck!
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