Thought the list might like a little humor. Dibert's manager lives!!!!
Doug
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think we have known a few of these guys!
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To: |
DABARRY@EROLS.COM, lois_brimager@aafes.e-mail.com, adam@zsp.com, COLLIGNL@DYNCORP.COM, AggieEllis@aol.com, JELLIS5480@aol.com, LBH@airmail.net, kkam@aluminumline.com, HOWDYRACE@aol.com, JSLUGGO@aol.com |
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Subject: |
FW: DILBERT REAL LIFE QUOTES |
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From: |
Joe Ellis <jtellis@ti.com> |
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Date: |
Tue, 14 Jul 1998 14:32:49 -0500 |
>These folks need help.
>>
>> A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking
>> for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type
>> managers. Here are some of the submissions:
>>
>> 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
>> building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
>> Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This
>> was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond,
>> WA)
>>
>> 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
>> encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
>>
>>
>> 3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our
>> stuff?(Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team)
>>
>> 4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
>> should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric
>> Boat Company)
>>
>> 5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
>> important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)
>>
>> 6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No
>> one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
>> working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll
>> let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota
>> Mining &Manufacturing /3M Corp.)
>>
>> 7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-pageproposal that
>> only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged
>> and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.
>> (CIO of Dell Computers)
>>
>> 8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I'
>> say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)
>>
>> 9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
>> When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss
>> work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
>> her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."(Shipping
>> Executive, FTD Florists)
>>
>> 10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
>> going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Long Lines Division)
>>
>> 11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, "This
>> is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the
>> subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
>>
>> 12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him
>> concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would
>> be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
>> until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)
>>
>> 13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
>> reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body
>> of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach"
>> used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo
>> to the executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's
>> office, and was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the
>> building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't
>> stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he
>> showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with
>> the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly
>> reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made
>> a copy of the definition to send to my boss, he told me not to worry.
>> He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff
>> came out, directing us that no words which could not be found in the
>> local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later,
>> I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my
>> resignation letter by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
>> (Taco Bell Corporation)
>>
>> 14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated
>> memo from a large communications company:" Lucent Technologies is
>> endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current
>> procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative
>> ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!"
>> <excerpt>
>>
>
>
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