Joe, Laura, and all others out there,
Having delved a little further through my bulging in-box, it would appear (from
a letter sent by Joe to Paul forwarded to the list by Brad) that it was you,
Joe, who has upset Laura so badly.
Joe, you seem to think that Laura over-reacted to the comments you made, and
that her reaction was unjustified and over the top. Possibly so, from your
point of view. However, some people are more sensitive than others. If you
do not know someone well, you should assume they are sensitive, and avoid
making un-necessarily provocative comments, until you know them better and
know that they can take it - that is common good manners. Maybe you feel that
you know Laura well enough through the list that you can make these comments -
if so, you have mis-judged her, as we all have seen (before this occasion)
that her feelings can be hurt.
It was not so long ago that you managed to get quite upset when Graham Robson
questioned your summary of Spitfire chassis numbers in the pages of the Club
Triumph magazine - you are not so thick-skinned yourself. I detect a level of
male chauvinism in your assumption that, because Laura owns, drives, and
enjoys her Spitfire, that that should make her 'one of the guys', and
therefore able to take the level of verbal brawling that a bunch of guys
sometimes indulge in away from female company. Why should a sensitive woman
not be allowed to enjoy a Spitfire, and share her enthusiasm with us, without
having to suppress her femininity and her own character - or indeed a
sensitive man, not all of us have elephant hide for skins?
As an aside, I never, detected any excessive bravado or bragging from Laura,
beyond obvious enthusiasm for her car. As she may not be one of the most
technical amongst us, I would not expect her to have to prove herself, or
Nigel, with more technical details of him than she already has. If you have
been suggesting that she must race her car, which she does not want to do, in
order to prove herself or her car, then I am afraid that is something you
should have grown out when you were 20. However, even if there had been any
unnecessary bragging, I would have hoped that you would have had the
sensitivity to avoid upsetting someone who most of us call a friend. If you
do not count the other list members (at least those who contribute regularly)
as your friends then that is sad.
I offered to support Laura in any attempt to expel those she felt had made her
unwelcome in this community. That offer still stands. However, I would be
very sad to see Joe go: as one of the most knowledgeable and dedicated
amongst us, keeper of the register, and a regular contributor, he is a
valuable person to have around. Much better to apologise - even if it is just
for your insensitivity, and not your views - and we can all get back to being
friends. Even if you feel in yourself you have done nothing wrong, apologise
anyway - is it really worth that little bit of hurt pride to lose Laura from
this list forever? Even if they were not intended them that way, your
comments clearly were hurtful - Laura would still be around if they were not.
Some may feel that I am getting involved in something that is not my business,
that is between Laura and Joe. That is mostly true, but I am affected, since
if Laura is driven from this list, then I lose a friend - that is when it
becomes my business too.
I apologise to those who may feel that I am dragging up a subject that you
hoped was dead and buried a week ago, but I have been away on holiday, and I
was not going to return and see what had been going on while I was away,
without making some effort to get Laura back with us once again.
Richard and Daffy
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