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Humor and a request

To: Spitfire List <spitfires@autox.team.net>,
Subject: Humor and a request
From: Reginald Tulk <regtulk@isd.net>
Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2000 13:27:02 -0600
So my loving fiancé sends me the following  with a note saying "pay
special attention to the triumph one"
Who's got POSITIVE ones for "triumph" or "spitfire"?

(and don't start bashing my fiancé - she loves me and my cars - even tho
she calls my spitfire "the coffin"!!)

      CAR NAMES EXPLAINED
 AUDI:
   Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
   Another Uninformed Driver Insulted
   All Unnecessary Devices Installed *1.
 BMW:
   Big Money Works
   Bought My Wife
   Brutal Money Waster
   Bimbette Motor Weapon
   Break My Window
   Big Man Wannabe
   Big Money Wasted
   Broken Money Waster
 BUICK:
   Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
   Big Ugly Import Car Killer
 CADILLAC:
   Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars
 CHEVROLET:
   Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
   Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
   Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
 CHRYSLER:
   Can't Have Refund, You're Stuck Leasing Edsel's Replacement *2.
 DODGE:
   Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
 FIAT:
   Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
   Fix It All the Time
   Fix it again, Tony!
   Fix it again tomorrow
   Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
 FORD:
   Frigin Old Rebuilt Dodge
   First On Recall Day
   First On Rust and Deterioration
   Fix Or Repair Daily
   Found On Road, Dead
   Fault Of Research and Development
   Fast Only Rolling Downhill
   Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
   Found On Russian Dump
   Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's
   Ford backwards:  Drivers returning on foot.
 GEO:
   Good Engineering Overlooked
 GM:
   General Maintenance
   Great Mistake
   Garage Me
 GMC:
   Garage Man's Companion
   Got A Mechanic Coming?
   Generally Mediocre Cars
   Got More Crap
 HONDA:
   Had One Never Did Again
 HYUNDAI:
   Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
 JEEP:
   Junk Engineered, Executed Poorly
 KIA:
   Kick It Again
 LINCOLN:
   Lousy Implementation, Not Cars Of Luxurious Nature
 MAZDA:
   Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
   Made After Zero Design Analysis *3.
 MERCEDES:
   Many Expensive Repairs Can Eventually Discourage Extra Sales *4.
 MOPAR:
   Most Often Passed At Races
   Mostly Old Parts And Rust
   Mostly Old Paint And Rust
 OLDSMOBILE:
   Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly
    Late Everywhere
   Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular
    Leftover Equipment
   Old Ladies Drive Slow-Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie
 PLYMOUTH:
   Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, All Underestimating This Heap
 PONTIAC:
   Poor Old Nick Thinks It's A Cadillac
 PORSCHE:
   Proof Only Rich Suckers Can Have Everything
 SAAB:
   Send Another Automobile Back
   Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
   Sad Attempt At Beauty
 SATURN:
   Sad Attempt To Unload Recycled Nissans
 STEALTH:
   Speed Trap Equipment Aims Low, Targets Hood *5.
 SUBARU:
   Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
 TOYOTA:
   Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

 TRIUMPH:
   The Risk In Useless Machinery Pays Heavily

 VOLVO:
   Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
 VW:
   Virtually Worthless
 YUGO:
   Yearly undergoes garage operations
   You'll utter "greatly overpriced"

Reg Tulk
74' Spit (boxes, boxes, boxes)


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