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Re: Texas humour no lbc

To: Joe Curry <spitlist@gte.net>
Subject: Re: Texas humour no lbc
From: larry hooven <dirty_howi@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 2 Jul 1999 13:36:00 -0700 (PDT)
hey joe, has it actually warmed up yet :)

--- Joe Curry <spitlist@gte.net> wrote:
> 
> Fred,
> Thanks for not saying ARIZONA!  
> 
> Joe
> 
> Fred Thomas wrote:
> > 
> > That Texas Heat...
> > 
> > "It's So Hot In Texas That......"
> > 
> > *The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
> > 
> > *The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch
> > is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
> > 
> > *Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
> > laying hard boiled eggs.
> > 
> > "It's So Dry In Texas That..."
> > 
> > *The cows are giving evaporated milk.
> > 
> > *The trees are whistling for the dogs.
> > 
> > *A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me,
> > cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."
> > 
> > *A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?"  A
> > rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in
> > the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor
> > replied,  "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."  "Well," the rancher
> > puffed up, we got about two and a half inches of that."
> > 
> > "You Know You're In Texas When..."
> > 
> > *You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
> > 
> > *You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
> > 
> > *You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
> > 
> > *You can make instant sun tea.
> > 
> > *You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
> > 
> > *The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
> > 
> > *You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your
> > car.
> > 
> > *You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
> > 
> > *You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
> > distance.
> > 
> > *Hot water now comes out of both taps.
> > 
> > *It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person
> > is out on the streets.
> > 
> > *You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
> > 
> > *You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before
> > work.
> > 
> > *No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not
> > having air conditioning.
> > 
> > *Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
> > end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
> > 
> > *You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
> 
> -- 
> "If you can't excel with talent, triumph with effort."
>  -- Dave Weinbaum in National Enquirer
> 

===
larry (I hope someday to Drive my triumph) hooven 1979 spitfire fm99248u, 
http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Speedway/9311/index.html
"Second place is just the first loser"   -John Force
"A postitive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy 
enough people to make it worth the effort" - herm albright


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