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> <<
> >> The Government, Noah, and the Ark
> >> =================================
> >>
> >> The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am going to
> >> make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the
> >> evil things are destroyed.
> >>
> >> But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on
> >> the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark."
> >>
> >> And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.
> >>
> >> "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the
> >> blueprints, "I'm your man."
> >>
> >> "Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You better
> >> have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long time!"
> >>
> >> Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to
> >> fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard,
> >> weeping, and there was no ark.
> >>
> >> "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
> >> into the ground right beside Noah.
> >>
> >> "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there
> >> were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the
> >> ark's construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I
> >> had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long
> >> argument with him about whether to include a fire-sprinkler system."
> >>
> >> "My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning
> >> ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a
> >> variance from the city planning board.
> >>
> >> Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there
> >> was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried
> >> to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife
> >> Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let
> >> me catch them, so no owls."
> >>
> >> "Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal
> >> rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.
> >> Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
> >> couldn't complete the ark without filing an environmental impact
> >> statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea
> >> that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."
> >>
> >> "Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood
> >> plan. I sent them a globe! Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a
> >> complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many
> >> minorities I'm supposed to hire."
> >>
> >> "The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave
> >> the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind
> >> of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less
> >> than five years."
> >>
> >> With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> >> arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not
> >> going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.
> >>
> >> "No," said the Lord, "I am too late, the government already has."
> >>
> >
> >
>
> >>
>
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> --------------------
> by
> m
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