Happy Friday, thought this was funny -
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR OIL
Oil Changing Instructions, Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage
reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
Total: $21.00
Oil Changing Instructions, Men:
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a
check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty
litter, hand cleaner and scented cardboard
pine tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full.
Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly
to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for
jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink
it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot
oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver
and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish
oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from
underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during
step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply
thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole
quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because
wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left
b**b.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under
the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the
colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
Total: $1337
=====
Dan D
Dayton, NJ
76 MGB Tourer - Brooklands Green
Looking for a 67-70 MGB Tourer Project Car!
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