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Please don't flame me for this. I normally find these forwards about as funny
as a
cracked head, but this one got to me. Excuse me, I've got to go change my
shorts...
--
Michael S. Lishego
St. Andrews Presbyterian College
Elementary Education Major,
English Minor, Class of 1999
R.A. of Winston-Salem Hall
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To: vetterd@SONOMA.EDU, mikesl@tartan.sapc.edu, ambrosia222@juno.com,
raisinblur@juno.com, carion@juno.com
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 16:17:51 -0800
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From: paranoid_android@juno.com (chi 'the devil made me do it!' hahaha)
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here's a funny story........enjoy.....
poetanon: look, a forward from _me_!
--
costello
--------- Begin forwarded message ----------
From: "evil weevil" <cosmicsquid@hotmail.com>
To: paranoid_android@juno.com
Cc: tlaloques@juno.com, annie222@hotmail.com
Subject: a story...
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 09:51:22 PST
Message-ID: <19971111175124.6701.qmail@hotmail.com>
Tandem Story
An assignment actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted) English 44A
Creative Writing Prof Miller
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person in an odd numbered row will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to reread what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over
when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
- The resulting untitled story -
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl,
who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she
must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started
acting up
again. So camomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the neuroses of an
air-headed bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of
resistance so far ..." But
before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The
news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth... when the days had passed unhurried and carefree,
with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense
of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast
of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie
and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium.
Asshole.
Bitch.
--------- End forwarded message ----------
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