OK, someone posted this on another list, another California joke.
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live
in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's
Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard.
This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture)
are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized
that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has
now issued a special application and driver's test solely
for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
Here it is:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE
APPLICATION:
Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please
explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X ] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch
your car on the news in a high-speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.
Are you presently taking any of the following
medications?:
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
*If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more
When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to
attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
d) don't move leaving both hands on steering wheel in plain sight*
*South Central residents only
|