Doug,
Hurts to think of it! My ribs from laughing that is. Don't even want to
think about the idiots buns. Reminds me of stories my cousin brought back
from his job as an infectuous epidemiologist for the L A Counth Health
Department when we lived in Hollywood and he had West Hollywood as an area
to cover. Used to make dinnertime an interesting time of day if you could
even eat after his stories.
Must have been published in the Salt Lake Tribune ... the LDS Church owned
Deseret News would never print such a story. First I've heard of it ... and
I usually get the latest funny stories from several sources including a
neighbor, the emergency room surgeon who has three little ones my daughter
baby sits for. I'll have to check with him for more details. Shows what
happens when the word gets out about a beautiful state to live in ... you
attract some idiots in the mix. Should this be filed under the ongoing
fuels discussion?
Wes
----------
> From: OHFASTONE@aol.com
> To: ARDUNDOUG@aol.com,
owner-land-speed@autox.team.net,land-speed@autox.team.net
> Subject: Fwd: LMAOOOOOO
> Date: Sun, 7 Nov 1999 01:56:35 EST
>
>
>--part1_0.6d988b42.25567ca3_boundary
>
>This was sent to me from a friend who lives in N.Y., I live in Los Angeles
>but I missed it. I darn near fell out my chair and choked because I was
>laughing so hard. I forwarded it for three reasons. One, because
something
>was propelled (dare I say, like a CNG powered rocket?), Two because it was
>funny, and Three, because it happened in Utah. Hope it tickles you too.
>
>--part1_0.6d988b42.25567ca3_boundary
>Content-Disposition: inline
>
>Return-path: LoreneRn@aol.com
>From: LoreneRn@aol.com
>Full-name: LoreneRn
>Message-ID: <0.bb9d2cfa.2555d160@aol.com>
>Date: Sat, 6 Nov 1999 13:45:52 EST
>Subject: LMAOOOOOO
>To: Brenn402@aol.com, OHFASTONE@aol.com
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>X-Mailer: Windows AOL sub 41
>
>This is an ACTUAL article from the Los Angeles Times:
>"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
>trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told amused doctors in
>the
>Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his
>homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum had been admitted for emergency
>treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
>"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil,
>in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that
>he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out
>again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light
>might attract him."
>At a hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what
>happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame
>shot out the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely
>burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers
>which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine,
>propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
>Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
>impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree
>burns to
>his
>anus and lower intestinal tract.
>TOP 10 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY:
>10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..." Hello!
>9. "...so I peered into the tube..." Aaaaaahhhh! I'm sorry, but
>that's
>like
>looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to
>stare at the sun.
>8. That poor gerbil being shot out of that guy's ass like Rocky the
>Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.
>7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's
>anus. I'm just guessing here, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was
>springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of love".
>6. People walking around with these volcano-like pockets of gas in their
>rectums.
>5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing
>when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made
>up
>a
>story about a gang of raving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into
>my
>house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the
>truth. Call me "old fashioned," but I just can't imagine looking at a
>doctor and saying "Well doc, it's like this. See we have this gerbil
>named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."
>4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the
>burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does
>one
>ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of
>burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face
>of
>God's green earth.
>3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic
>white men who insert rodents up butts."
>2. What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference about this?
>1. This happened in Salt Lake City? What kind of people live in Utah?
>I'm
>starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
>
>
>
>
>Lori
>To Tough to tame.....
>
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