I wasn't going to send this but then someone else broached the subject so
here goes. Please, this is all meant in the spirit of fun. I did not write
this.
Dan Yates
Subject: Fwd: News Bulletin - US Election
>
>
>
> >Subject: FW: US Election - The British Perspective
> >
> >Received this moment from an eminent Barrister (Ontario and London)...
> >
> >This message recently arrived from London...
> >NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> >To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> >govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> >independence, effective today.
> >
> >Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> >over
> >all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
> >does
> >not fancy.
> >
> >Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of
you
> >who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your
borders)
> >will appoint a minister for America without the need for further
elections.
> >
> >Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
> >circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
> >
> >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules
> >are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> >1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
> >look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at
> >just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise
> >your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> >same
> >twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
"you
> >know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
> >"interspersed".
> >
> >2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
> >your behalf.
> >
> >3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
> >really isn't that hard.
> >
> >4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> >good guys.
> >
> >5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
> >but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> >confused and give up half way through.
> >
> >6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of
> >football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> >game.
> >The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> >may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> >longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> >Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> >difficult
> >game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> >(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
for
> >a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> >nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
by
> >2005.
> >
> >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> >they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
> >is
> >a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> >have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
> >
> >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> >national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day".
> >
> >9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
> >own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
> >
> >10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
> >
> >Thank you for your co-operation.
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