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Laurel and Hardy Install A New Hood

To: sfisher@Megatest.COM
Subject: Laurel and Hardy Install A New Hood
From: sfisher@Megatest.COM (Scott Fisher)
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 94 11:00:35 PST
Marcus says:

> > The hot towel trick sounds a good one...can anybody recommend some other
> > pointers to a 'no-tears, safe-n-easy' hood installation?? i.e. which bit to
> > secure doen first???

Roland (who might be the only person I know who's been married longer
than I have) wisely chimes in with:

> Don't use your household towels, unless, of course, your a wife is far
> more tolerant of things than mine is.

The old question... "Honey, is it okay to use this as a car towel?"  A
more specific version of the general case, "Honey, is it okay if I use 
this on the car?"  When I want to make Kim's heart stop, I pick up
her Gingher shears (the equivalent, for her, of my Masamoto sushi 
knife) and ask her if I can use them to install some wiring.  Lately
she's been saying "Yes, if I can borrow the Datsun to bring home some
loose steer manure for the garden."  Ah, the secret to a long marriage,
mutually assured destruction... :-)

The hot towel trick isn't necessary on a brand-new hood, however.  You
will need the following:

  - A second pair of hands for aligning, tugging, and keeping things
    even across the car

  - Lots of patience

  - A yellow grease-pencil for marking where you're going to make cuts and
    install snaps

  - Some more patience

  - A veryveryvery sharp knife (razor knife, X-Acto, or any of my 
    pocket knives, which are generally sharper)

  - The special Grommet Bonking Tool, which is the most enjoyable
    part of the whole task; inquire at upholstery shops (it's basically
    a little anvil with a cup in it, and a punch sized to fit it)

  - Your regulation SOL-issue Big Hammer (currently I am using a Vermont-
    made 4-lb hand drilling hammer, which looks as though it was previously 
    used by a Norse deity for killing trolls)

  - More patience

  - 3M Trim Adhesive, or some equivalent brand that is NOT a contact
    cement -- you want to have the time to fiddle with it after your
    first attempt, because you *will* get it wrong

  - Clamps to hold everything down

  - A drill (about 1/8" bit, I think) to get the old pop-rivets out 
    of the header bar

  - A pop-riveter with a long, narrow nose for getting between the 
    rails on the aluminum header bar rail that holds the rubber seal,
    plus appropriate pop-rivets

Kim and I installed the hood on my Midget in about an hour.  You start
at the back, installing the snaps that hold the hood to the rear edge
of the passenger compartment.  Measure carefully -- erect the hood 
frame with the old hood removed, then lay the new hood over and fit it
carefully.  (If I recall, the pull-the-center clips that go at the
base of the door windows are installed at the factory; use these to
center the car.)

(BTW, something that makes the car look very nice is to get some semi-
gloss black spray paint and paint the metal hood frame as long as it
has no vinyl on it.  It really dresses up the completed interior when
you put up the new hood with a smooth new paint job on the frame.)

Use your yellow pencil (test in an inconspicuous area to make sure it
will wash off the vinyl later!) to mark where the snaps go, then install
them using the Grommet Bonking Tool.  Basically, you cut a small hole
in the top, put the new snaps in *oriented the right way, please*, so
that they will snap the *inside* of the hood to the bodywork, and
then put the top of the snap in the cup on the anvil and the bottom of
the snap in the focus of the punch -- why does that sound like an old
Danny Kaye routine?  Then you take your Big Hammer and bonk the punch.
It splays the appropriate portions of the snaps into place with a
satisfying "ting."  ("Put the cup on the snap of the hammer with the
bottom and the punch on the anvil of the focus of the top...  Cup the
snap on the bottom of the anvil with the focus and the top on the hammer
with the punch on the -- Hey Abbo-ott!...")

Once you've got all (um) five of the rear snaps (or was it seven?) in
place, then you can snap them down to the bodywork and begin the process
of stretching the hood forward.  Remember, "tight is right."  Even on 
such a teeny car as my Midget, I needed another set of hands to keep 
the tension even on both sides.  

When it's snug in place, use the yellow pencil again to mark where the
front of the hood is going to fold over the header rail (that's the
metal part at the forward edge of the hood frame, the part that actually
clamps down to the windscreen).  Do yourself a favor and mark it back, oh,
1/16" from the actual edge, so that you *really* work to get it tight.
Then smear the top of the header rail with the 3M trim adhesive (which
is a slimy yellow sort of halfway between French's mustard and Cheez Wiz);
I *think* you're supposed to smear the appropriate part of the top too,
but it's been seven years.  Check the instructions for the brand of
adhesive you end up buying.

Now tug with all your might, both of you.  You want to pull forward and
out, so that the top stretches toward the front of the car but keeps 
taut from side window to side window.  At this point, it's easiest to
fold the frame slightly and use the clamps to keep the vinyl folded over
the front edge; this makes it easy to get the yellow mark that you made
lined up with the leading edge of the header rail.  By giving yourself
that extra 1/16" or so of tightness, you'll be assured of a snug fit
even after the sun warms the fabric when you take the car out for drives.

After a suitable time (read the package; 15 minutes to an hour, depending
on the brand), you're ready to cut holes in the inner layer of the vinyl,
that is, the part that curled under the header rail and is held in place
by the aluminum gutter rail; holes in the steel header rail that is part
of the frame will eventually accept rivets that have to pass through
mathinc holes in the aluminum rail, and you have to make corresponding
holes in the top vinyl.  (This will all make sense when you look at
it.)  Poke holes with an awl or your sharp X-Acto knife and line up the
aluminum gutter rail, then pop-rivet it into place.  You *will* need a 
long, narrow nose on your pop-riveter for this, as the standard flat
riveting head won't fit between the edges of the rail.  Then slip the
rubber gasket or seal into the aluminum rail for a comparatively
water-tight fit.

When that's all done, erect the hood fully; everything else should just
snap into place.  You'll have some extra vinyl on the inside of the
header rail; I left that for a few days in case the top or the glue
shrank.  If the car is running, drive it with the hood erected so that
everything settles and cures in position (besides, this is the one time
when you can get away with having the top up and not feeling like a wimp,
as you're still admiring your handiwork).  If it's parked, leave it while
the glue cures.  Then trim the extra vinyl flush with the aluminum rail.
I seem to remember needing to do some gusset-style cuts at the corners
and tack them down with a little more trim adhesive, but YMMV.

BTW, if your car needs carpets, now's the time to do that too.  It's so
much easier to install a carpet set with the top and frame off, because
you can get to those wheel wells that come into the passenger compart-
ment.  I had to make little darts (ask someone who sews) with my veryvery
sharp knife, then glue the carpet down to the wheel wells, to make it all
look smooth.  It looked as though it had been sprayed in.  Then some
sixteen year old failure of his parent's birth control methods ran into
my car while it was parked in front of my house, and the next thing I 
knew it was cut in half with a torch and hauled off to be crushed.

But you've heard that story before, and it's too early in the morning for
me to drink the necessary beer to cry into...

--Scott "Coffee just isn't the same somehow" Fisher


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