Jay:
Works for me.
Someone once said "History is often obscure": Evidently your pater has
an inside "track" to clarifying obfuscations. Well done Steve!! I'll
add this to my "trying to understand the english" collection. When you
next see the redoubtable detective, please thank him for me.
Yr Fthfl Srvnt
David Sosna
Jay_Laifman@countrywide.com wrote:
>
> I asked my dad for his thoughts. Now while I am biased, I think this is an
> awesome response. I savored every word.
>
> Jay
> ---------------------- Forwarded by Jay Laifman/Attorney/Legal/CF/CCI on
> 08/04/2000 01:14 PM ---------------------------
>
> Steve Laifman <Laifman@flash.net> on 08/04/2000 01:01:30 PM
>
> Please respond to Laifman@flash.net
>
> To: Jay_Laifman@Countrywide.Com
> cc:
>
> Subject: Re: And Here's ANOTHER explanation
>
> My Dear Dr. Watson,
>
> Hope this finds you in good health. Regarding your latest
> message, delivered by an elderly postal employee, I believe
> your new-found friends are mistaken about the "Root" causes of
> the Sunbeam front/rear track differences.
>
> I was having tea with Sir William, the fortnight last, and
> made some observations which deal directly with your question.
>
> As you know, I do not think these new horseless carriages will
> ever replace our beloved ransom cabs and British Railroad
> System, too unreliable, my acquaintance Sir Lucas said.
>
> However I am a student of may things, including tobacco ash
> and the railways. As you may recall a previous monologue I
> wrote on the origins of the European railroad gauge standards,
> I revealed that it was all traceable to the width of the arse
> of the Roman chariot horse.
>
> We English are such traditionalists, especially Lord Rootes,
> that I suspect the correct answer lies closer to home. On a
> visit to his magnificent stables, for a choice of mounts for
> the chase scheduled for the morn, I made some observations.
> Both Lord and Lady Rootes riding gear were being attended to
> for the next day's chase. I observed that while Lord Rootes'
> saddle was of normal size, Lady Rootes was of a significantly
> wider measure. This is a natural difference between the male
> and female anatomy (see previous monograph), and has
> significance to your quest.
>
> The Rootes family are newly aristocratic, having just been
> elevated to the peerage from a commercial endeavor, rather
> than a birth right, and take great pains to act as they
> imagine a peer might. They try to make all decisions on their
> estate as well as in their commerce. Lady Rootes is
> constantly instructing her staff on her expectations of
> service to her quests, even when they are much more
> knowledgeable than she. Lord rootes, when confronted with a
> newly designed "Sunbeam" horseless carriage, felt he must make
> a change to feel in control. He dictated to the staff that
> the front and rear tracking shall be made different. When
> asked what standards they should employ, he had his, and Lady
> Rootes, saddlery delivered to the design team.
>
> "It is fitting an proper that they be made in proportion to
> her Ladyship's, and my riding gear as they perform similar
> functions, and are from an excellent saddlery.", he directed.
>
> Well, being proper employees, his will is their command. And
> being proper Englishmen, they rightfully scaled the males
> saddle dimension on the rear axle, and and attached a long,
> stiff member thrusting forward into a round receptacle in
> something they termed a "Tail" stock. Well, that nomenclature
> is not unknown to me, as you may assume from my lack of female
> companionship. The axle even had a large roundish member this
> shaft extended from. The imagery is not coincidental. My
> Scottish friend, Sir Reginald Bond, always said "there is no
> such thing as coincidence". His newborn, James, drooled in
> agreement.
>
> The front track had to be proportionally wider, due to her
> ladyships ample dimensions, and was suitably fitted with
> spring mounts and loose fitting attachments so that the ends
> traveled in all directions in an independent manner, much as a
> lady's nether regions due under the conditions this vehicle is
> simulating.
>
> If the House of Lords, or Her Majesty, ever really understood
> the organic, and earthly sexual nature of this vehicle, they
> would ban them from the country. More suitable for the
> Frenchies, what? It would not surprise me if the next thing
> Lord Rootes does is name one of his beastly vehicles after a
> beast, itself. Some vicious, loud, bloodthirsty animal that
> voraciously consumes the road, petrol, and all other
> vehicles. Perhaps after one of those self-centered members of
> the feline family. Wouldn't surprise me one bit.
>
> So, Watson, there it is! The true facts "behind" the design
> of that beastly conveyance and their newly aristocratic
> owners. What is this beloved country coming to? This unseemly
> haste and need for speed. Next thing you know, they will want
> to go flying like birds.
>
> Best wishes to Mary,
>
> Sherlock
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