Subject: [Bmcu] FW: in court

From: Barry Engstrum <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 29 May 2013 02:10:51 -0600

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=20
Date: Mon=2C 27 May 2013 20:18:15 -0700
From: ATTORNEY
Subject: Fw: in court
To:=20
     ----- Forwarded Message -----
   From:
 To: =20
 Sent: Tuesday=2C May 21=2C 2013 10:43 PM
 Subject: in court
  =20

=20
I have seen these before.... I wish I had been that creative on the  stand!=
=20
 I'd be out of jail by now.  I don't think there is any  Felony Contempt!=20
Now=2C McG.. he is still perjuring himself n court and  deposition on a wee=
kly=20
if not daily basis.  I'd love to have transcripts of some of his trial=20
testilying. =20

  =20
These have been around before but still worth a  laugh.=20
=20
    =20
HOW  DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from  a book called=0A=
 Disorder in the American Courts and are=20
things  people actually said in court=2C... Word  for word=2C taken down an=
d=20
published by court reporters that  had the torment of staying calm while th=
e=20
exchanges were  taking place.

ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that  morning?
WITNESS:  He said=2C 'Where am I=2C Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:  My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the  impact?
WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:  No=2C I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth?=20
WITNESS:  July 18th.=20
ATTORNEY:  What year?=20
WITNESS:  Every year.=20
_____________________________________=20
ATTORNEY:  How old is your son=2C the one living with you?=0A=
=20
WITNESS:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five=2C I can't remember which.=20
ATTORNEY:  How long has he lived with you?=20
WITNESS:  Forty-five years.=20
_________________________________
ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis=2C does it affect your memory at  all?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:  I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor=2C isn't it true that when a person dies in his  slee=
p=2C=20
he doesn't know about it until the next  morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  The youngest son=2C the 20-year-old=2C how old is  he?
WITNESS:  He's 20=2C much like your IQ.
___________________________________________=20
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was  taken?
WITNESS:  Are you shitting=0A=
 me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:  Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  She had three children =2C right?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:  None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
WITNESS:  Your Honor=2C I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a   =
  =20
               new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage  terminated?
WITNESS:  By death..
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:  He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Unless the Circus=0A=
 was in town I'm going with  male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  deposition=20
notice which I sent to your  attorney?
WITNESS:  No=2C this is how I dress when I go to  work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Doctor =2C how many of your autopsies have you performed on  dea=
d=20
people?
WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a  fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral=2C OK? What school did you go  t=
o?
WITNESS:  Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the  body?
WITNESS:  The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:  If not=2C he was by the time I  finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine =0A=
 sample?
WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that  question?

______________________________________
And  last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor=2C before you performed the autopsy=2C did you check for =
 a=20
pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:  No..
ATTORNEY:  So=2C then it is possible that the patient was alive when you =20
began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure=2C Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a  jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see=2C but could the patient have still been alive=2C =20
nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes=2C it is possible that he could have been alive and  practici=
ng=20
law.

=0A=
=20

     		 	   		  =

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<body class=3D'hmmessage'><div dir=3D'ltr'><br>&nbsp=3B<BR><div><hr id=3D"s=
topSpelling">Date: Mon=2C 27 May 2013 20:18:15 -0700<br>From: ATTORNEY<br>S=
ubject: Fw: in court<br>To:&nbsp=3B<div style=3D"color: rgb(0=2C 0=2C 0)=3B=
 font-family: times new roman=2C new york=2C times=2C serif=3B font-size: 1=
2pt=3B background-color: rgb(255=2C 255=2C 255)=3B"><div><br></div>  <div s=
tyle=3D"font-family: times new roman=2C new york=2C times=2C serif=3B font-=
size: 12pt=3B"> <div style=3D"font-family: times new roman=2C new york=2C t=
imes=2C serif=3B font-size: 12pt=3B"> <div dir=3D"ltr"> ----- Forwarded Mes=
sage -----<br>  <font face=3D"Arial" size=3D"2"> <b><span style=3D"font-wei=
ght: bold=3B">From:</span></b><br> <b><span style=3D"font-weight: bold=3B">=
To:</span></b>  <br> <b><span style=3D"font-weight: bold=3B">Sent:</span></=
b> Tuesday=2C May 21=2C 2013 10:43 PM<br> <b><span style=3D"font-weight: bo=
ld=3B">Subject:</span></b> in court<br> </font> </div> <div class=3D"ecxy_m=
sg_container"><br><div id=3D"ecxyiv5725282423"><style><!--=0A=
.ExternalClass #ecxyiv5725282423 body {=0A=
font-size:10pt=3B=0A=
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--></style><div><blockquote style=3D"padding-left: 5px=3B border-left-color=
: rgb(0=2C 0=2C 255)=3B border-left-width: 2px=3B border-left-style: solid=
=3B"><br><br>&nbsp=3B<br>I have seen these before.... I wish I had been tha=
t creative on the  stand! <br> I'd be out of jail by now.  I don't think th=
ere is any  Felony Contempt! <br>Now=2C McG.. he is still perjuring himself=
 n court and  deposition on a weekly <br>if not daily basis.  I'd love to h=
ave transcripts of some of his trial <br>testilying.&nbsp=3B&nbsp=3B<br><br=
>&nbsp=3B&nbsp=3B <br>These have been around before but still worth a  laug=
h.&nbsp=3B<br>&nbsp=3B<br>&nbsp=3B&nbsp=3B&nbsp=3B&nbsp=3B <br>HOW  DO COUR=
T RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????<br>These are from  a book called=0A=
 Disorder in the American Courts and are <br>things  people actually said i=
n court=2C... Word  for word=2C taken down and <br>published by court repor=
ters that  had the torment of staying calm while the <br>exchanges were  ta=
king place.<br><br>ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to=
 you that  morning?<br>WITNESS:  He said=2C 'Where am I=2C Cathy?'<br>ATTOR=
NEY:  And why did that upset you?<br>WITNESS:  My name is Susan!<br>_______=
________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment =
of the  impact?<br>WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<br>_________________=
___________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?<br>WITNE=
SS:  No=2C I just lie there.<br>___________________________________________=
_<br>ATTORNEY:  What is your date of birth? <br>WITNESS:  July 18th. <br>AT=
TORNEY:  What year? <br>WITNESS:  Every year. <br>_________________________=
____________ <br>ATTORNEY:  How old is your son=2C the one living with you?=
=0A=
 <br>WITNESS:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five=2C I can't remember which. <br>A=
TTORNEY:  How long has he lived with you? <br>WITNESS:  Forty-five years. <=
br>_________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis=
=2C does it affect your memory at  all?<br>WITNESS:  Yes.<br>ATTORNEY:  And=
 in what ways does it affect your memory?<br>WITNESS:  I forget..<br>ATTORN=
EY:  You forget? Can you give us an example of something you  forgot?<br>__=
_________________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  Now doctor=2C isn't=
 it true that when a person dies in his  sleep=2C <br>he doesn't know about=
 it until the next  morning?<br>WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exa=
m?<br>____________________________________<br><br>ATTORNEY:  The youngest s=
on=2C the 20-year-old=2C how old is  he?<br>WITNESS:  He's 20=2C much like =
your IQ.<br>___________________________________________ <br>ATTORNEY:  Were=
 you present when your picture was  taken?<br>WITNESS:  Are you shitting=0A=
 me?<br>_________________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  So the date=
 of conception (of the baby) was August  8th?<br>WITNESS:  Yes.<br>ATTORNEY=
:  And what were you doing at that time?<br>WITNESS:  Getting laid<br>_____=
_______________________________________<br><br>ATTORNEY:  She had three chi=
ldren =2C right?<br>WITNESS:  Yes.<br>ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?<br>WIT=
NESS:  None.<br>ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?<br>WITNESS:  Your Honor=2C=
 I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a      <br>               n=
ew attorney?<br>____________________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  =
How was your first marriage  terminated?<br>WITNESS:  By death..<br>ATTORNE=
Y:  And by whose death was it terminated?<br>WITNESS:  Take a guess.<br>___=
________________________________________<br><br>ATTORNEY:  Can you describe=
 the individual?<br>WITNESS:  He was about medium height and had a beard<br=
>ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?<br>WITNESS:  Unless the Circus=0A=
 was in town I'm going with  male.<br>_____________________________________=
<br>ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  depositi=
on <br>notice which I sent to your  attorney?<br>WITNESS:  No=2C this is ho=
w I dress when I go to  work.<br>______________________________________<br>=
ATTORNEY:  Doctor =2C how many of your autopsies have you performed on  dea=
d <br>people?<br>WITNESS:  All of them. The live ones put up too much of a =
 fight.<br>_________________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  ALL your=
 responses MUST be oral=2C OK? What school did you go  to?<br>WITNESS:  Ora=
l...<br>_________________________________________<br>ATTORNEY:  Do you reca=
ll the time that you examined the  body?<br>WITNESS:  The autopsy started a=
round 8:30 PM<br>ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<br>WITNESS=
:  If not=2C he was by the time I  finished.<br>___________________________=
_________________<br>ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine =0A=
 sample?<br>WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that  question?<br><br>_____=
_________________________________<br>And  last:<br><br>ATTORNEY:  Doctor=2C=
 before you performed the autopsy=2C did you check for  a <br>pulse?<br>WIT=
NESS:  No.<br>ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?<br>WITNESS:  No.=
<br>ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?<br>WITNESS:  No..<br>ATTORNEY: =
 So=2C then it is possible that the patient was alive when you  <br>began t=
he autopsy?<br>WITNESS:  No.<br>ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure=2C Doctor=
?<br>WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a  jar.<br>ATTOR=
NEY:  I see=2C but could the patient have still been alive=2C  <br>neverthe=
less?<br>WITNESS:  Yes=2C it is possible that he could have been alive and =
 practicing <br>law.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br=
><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><b=
r><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>=0A=
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Archive: http://www.team.net/archive

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