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Re: true?

To: "Wm. Severin Thompson" <wsthompson@thicko.com>,
Subject: Re: true?
From: "Ron Soave" <redlotus@spacey.net>
Date: Mon, 30 Nov 1998 20:29:50 -0500
Keith Moon would have been proud.

----------
> From: Wm. Severin Thompson <wsthompson@thicko.com>
> To: team thicko <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
> Cc: Robin Kelly <RKelly4609@aol.com>; NeotoyRick <NeotoyRick@aol.com>; K
Schwab <kschwab@kyberpass.com>; Jack Miller <jgm@miller-burns.com>;
Christine Cech <opcech@msn.com>; andru anderson <andru@m4.sprynet.com>;
Andrew H.  Litkowiak <andylit@starnetinc.com>; Don Thompson
<thickocrew@aol.com>
> Subject: true?
> Date: Sunday, November 29, 1998 6:15 PM
> 
> 
> 
> 1812 overture -- please don't try this at home (from Steve Dujack)
> 
> August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay
> 
> Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor
> de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to
> make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of
> the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at
> an outdoor children's concert.  In complete seriousness he
> placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in
> strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight
> mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new
> Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.
> 
> Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through
> bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone
> would shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the
> energy of the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute
> high above the orchestra, like a rocket."
> 
> However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified
> to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up
> before the firecracker went off,  he failed to raise the bell of the horn
> high enough so as to give the mute enough arc to clear the orchestra.
> 
> What actually happened should serve as a lesson to us all during
> those delirious moments of divine inspiration.  First, because he
> failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast propelled
> the mute between rows of players in the woodwind and viola sections
> of the orchestra, missing the players and straight into the stomach
> of the conductor, driving him off the podium and directly into the front
> row of the audience.
> 
> Fortunately, the audience were sitting in folding chairs and thus they
> were protected from serious injury, for the chairs collapsed under them
> passing the energy of the impact of the flying conductor backwards into
> row of people sitting behind them, who in turn were driven back into
> the people in the row behind and so on, like a row of dominos. The
> sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of people falling on
> their behinds increased logarithmically, adding to the overall sound
> of brass cannons and brass playing as constitutes the closing
> measures of the Overture.
> 
> Meanwhile, all of this unplanned choreography not withstanding, back on
> stage Paolo's Waterloo was still unfolding.  According to Paolo, "Just as
> the I heard the sound of the blast, time seemed to stand still.
> Everything moved in slow motion.  Just before I felt searing pain to my
> mouth, I could swear I heard a voice with a Austrian accent say "Fur
every
> akshon zer iz un eekvul un opposeet reakshon!"  Well, this should come
> as no surprise, for Paolo had set himself up for a textbook demonstration
> of this fundamental law of physics.   Having failed to plug the lead pipe
> of his trombone, he allowed the energy of the blast to send a super
heated
> jet of gas backwardsthrough the mouth pipe of the trombone which
> exited the mouthpiece burning his lips and face.
> 
> The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet.  The force of the blast was so
> great it split the bell of his shiny Yamaha right down the middle,
turning
> it inside out while at the same time propelling Paolo backwards off the
> riser. And for the grand finale, as Paolo fell backwards he lost his grip
on
> the slide of the trombone allowing the pressure of the hot gases coursing
> through the horn to propel the trombone's slide like a double golden
spear
> into the head of the 3rd clarinetist, knocking him unconscious.
> 
> The moral of the story?  Beware the next time you hear someone in the
> trombone section yell out  "Hey, everyone, watch this!"
> 
> 

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