If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is
research.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no life guard.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a poor memory.
If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried
before.
Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands...
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me... We are all individuals.
Death to all fanatics.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
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