Sounds right to us, although Carlin denies it. Here's the text from Snopes
The Bad American
Claim: Humorist George Carlin wrote a piece about being a "Bad American."
Status: False.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2001]
Yes, I Guess I am A BAD American.
I like big cars, big boats, big houses, and naturally - big tits.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level
governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing
compassionate.
I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I think I'm doing better than the homeless.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different,
weird or piss me off.
I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it. Hell, just ask my
wife.
I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; just don't feel
like everyone else should have to.
I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy queen shake, pack of cigarettes,
or hotel room you do it in English.
As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak
English. My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can
leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running
from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word
freeze or stop in English, See the previous line.
If I received a blow job from one of my subordinate employees in my office,
it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would have been
FIRED immediately.
I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no
political affiliation recount when needed.
I know what the definition of lying is.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for
any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can you
can open a hotel, c-store, trinket shop, or any damn thing else.
I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.
I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.
I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or
Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from
someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light.But I respect your right
to.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than
working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.
I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, Lite, or fat-free
on the package.
I did not go to some foreign country and risk my life in vain and defend our
constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document
ever changing and is open to interpretation.
I don't hate the rich.
I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake.
I've never owned or was a slave, and a large percentage or our forefathers
weren't wealthy enough to own one either.
I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a
Hell's Angel with an attitude.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the "Rev." Jesse Jackson
preaches; and besides what exactly is his job function.
I don't care where Ellen puts her tongue.
I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be
allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime then you will serve the
time. A rubber band and a paper clip is a dangerous weapon in the hands of
someone with malicious intent.
I worry about dying before I get even.
I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue
to make more. If it pisses you off, invent the next operating system that's
better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the
Internet to help you.
I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it pisses me off.
You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another
nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has
more value as a human being that I do as a white male. Hell, if someone kills
anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime.
I like the convenience of buying oranges from a sidewalk vendor or while I'm
waiting at a stop-light, and I'm pretty sure the Latin midget selling them to
me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator box in East LA or is
sleeping in the streets of her home country.
We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.
I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent
with the balls to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO".
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't
pretend they are a political statement.
I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.
I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.
I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent
because I have these beliefs and opinions.
I thought this country allowed me that right I will not conform or compromise
just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.
I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the
mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
Yes, I guess by their definition, I'm a bad American.
Origins: Just about any unsourced list of witty observations about our
politics and social mores gets credited to humorist George Carlin these days,
even when it doesn't really sound like anything he would write. Carlin may
sometimes use the format of stringing together a few dozen pithy comments
about a wide variety of topical subjects, but the tone of his humor is
nothing like this reactionary piece. If any doubt remained, Carlin himself
swept it away by announcing on his web site that he is not the author of the
article.
Annice & Bob
1960 Bugeye (Mk. IV in disguise)
1966 Sprite Mk. III (Still in Boxes)
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