More jokes forwarded to me. Let me know if you want me to stop forwarding
them to the List.
Bob
>>> 'Bob Dickson' <bd82431@juno.com>, 'Donna - home' <dkdd913@hotmail.com>,
>>> 'Donna - home 2' <dkdd@excite.com>
>>> Subject: In-flight humor
>>> Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 09:17:38 -0500
>>> > >
>>> > >1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be
>>> > >50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
>>> out
>>> > >of this airplane..."
>>> > >
>>> > >2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude
>>> > >now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel
>>>
>>> > >free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside
>>> the
>>> > >plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you
>>> > >walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
>>> > >
>>> > >3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
>>> > >Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as
>>> much
>>> > >as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>>> > >
>>> > >4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
>>> > >Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
>>> > >loudspeaker:"Whoa, big fella. WHOA"
>>> > >
>>> > >5. After a particularly rough landing during
>>> thunderstorms
>>> > >in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
>>> > >announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead
>>> > >compartments because, after a landing like that, we are
>>> sure as
>>> > >hell that everything shifted."
>>> > >
>>> > >6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome
>>> > >aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your
>>> > >seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
>>> > >tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you
>>>
>>> > >don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
>>> out
>>> > >in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of
>>> > >cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the
>>> ceiling.
>>> > >Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
>>> face.
>>> > >If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your
>>>
>>> > >mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
>>> > >with two small children, decide now which one you love
>>> more."
>>> > >
>>> > >7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
>>> broken
>>> > >clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we
>>> > >arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your
>>>
>>> > >money, more than Southwest Airlines."
>>> > >
>>> > >8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in
>>> the
>>> > >event of an emergency water landing, please take them
>>> with
>>> > >our compliments."
>>> > >
>>> > >9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
>>> of
>>> > >your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
>>>
>>> > >evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
>>> > >children or spouses."
>>> > >
>>> > >10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>>> > >
>>> > >11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are
>>> > >pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
>>>
>>> > >industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this
>>> flight..."
>>> > >
>>> > >12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
>>> Amarillo,
>>> > >Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
>>> > >final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it
>>>
>>> > >After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
>>> came
>>> > >on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome
>>> to
>>> > >Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
>>>
>>> > >fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
>>> airplane
>>> > >to the gate."
>>> > >
>>> > >13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than
>>> > >perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated as
>>> > >Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
>>> > >
>>> > >14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
>>> he
>>> > >had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
>>> > >airline had a policy which required the first officer to
>>> > >stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
>>>
>>> > >give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that
>>> in
>>> > >light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
>>> > >passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
>>>
>>> > >smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except
>>> for
>>> > >this little old lady walking with a cane.
>>> > >
>>> > >She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?"
>>> > >"Why no, Mam," said the pilot,"what is it?"
>>> > >The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot
>>> down?"
>>> > >
>>> > >15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the
>>> > >Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
>>> > >please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the
>>> > >Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up
>>> > >against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared
>>> and
>>> > >the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and
>>> you
>>> > >can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
>>> > >
>>> > >16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement:
>>> > >"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
>>> And,
>>> > >the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
>>> > >through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
>>> > >you'll think of us here at US Airways."
>>> > >
>>> > >
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