Since this list is in a generous giving mood, I thought this joke was
timely even if is a bit out of date.
With the Holiday season approaching, please look into your heart to help
those in need.
Hundreds of National Basketball Association basketball players in our
very own
country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level.
(Atrocious!)
And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for
several
weeks - possibly a whole year - as a result of the current lock-out
situation.
But now, you can help! For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day
(that's
less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a
basketball
player remain economically viable during this time of need.
This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers
the
yearly league minimum, ...but it's a start! The $700 may not seem like
a lot
of money to you, but to a basketball player it could mean the difference
between
a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise.
For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than one month's rent or
mortgage
payment. But to a basketball player, $700 will almost replace his daily
salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home
entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or
enjoy a
weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player
you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate, and
other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get
information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump sum he will
receive
upon retirement. Plus upon signing up for this program, you will
receive a
photo of the player (unsigned-for a signed photo, please include an
additional
$50.00). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other
peoples'
suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who
just
wants
to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he
will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in
case
additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. My preference
is
checked below:
[ ] Starter
[ ] Reserve
[ ] Star (Higher cost)
[ ] Superstar (Much higher cost)
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the
cost
of a specific team (Cheerleaders not included.))
[ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. Please select one for
me
Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for a reserve
player or
starter for the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the
player
I have sponsored, along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players
Association
badge to wear proudly on my lapel.
Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: _______________________
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________
Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 1-900-TOO-MUCH
now
to
enroll by phone.
Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they have
sponsored,
either in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
telephone
calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the
basketball
player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his free time,
thanks
to your generous donations. Contributions are not tax-deductible.
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