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What a difference a weekend makes. A few days on the road changes your
perspective a bit but, man, who the hell was responsible for monitoring this
list?
First off, Debbie checks in with a testomonial that "real" females beat "Queens"
hands down which raises concerns of her testing objectivity. I mean, I don't
question her veracity or observational accuracy; she may very well be on top of
the data. I am just inclined to think her perspective might be somewhat oblique
from my own.
None-the-less, I see that females can now be categorized as "real" which then
implies that there is another type. On further pondering, as I run a few classic
reels through the mental VCR, I an now enlightened and will admit that she is
absolutely correct. As for the matter of "Queens" however, I must succumb to her
expertise as, although I admit to once working for the airlines, I made it a
practice to steadfastly look straight ahead and mind the project at-hand;
oblivious to my surroundings.
Then Susan brings up some problems with the term "Mark" and starts categorizing
groups, seemingly in a derogatory fashion, as "vertical urinators". Susan later
admits (Actually, we have never been introduced. Maybe I should address her as
Ms. Hedman?) that her person lacks protuberancy (or, at least, pleasent ones)
so perhaps only her bias is visible.
But I pause to ponder this new term: Vertical Urinator. Is this a measure of
performing or performance? I mean, although I may brag that in my youth the hood
ornament could be washed from a position behind the boot, I have not yet
degenerated to the point of needing waterproof footwear. OTOH, I always thought
that it was somewhat of an advantage for the gender. Besides the obvious spot
employment for fire supression and winter autographs, it releases me from
worrying too much about loading the process. That is, I have observed that the
other gender, when offered another cylindrical beverage, may decline soley on
the basis that a suitable comfort station may not be available at some
unspecified time in the future. That whole psychosis seemed somewhat
self-defeating to me.
But I don't mean to constipate the bandwidth with useless banter. To contribute
to this body of knowledge, let me clear up this misunderstnaing of the moniker
"Mark." It actually predates the automobile and came from the Indians. (I would
say "Native Americans" but I am not actually certain the Indians lived here.
They may have lived in Canada or Mexico for all I know.) Indians often observed
the custom of naming a child based upon the first observance at its birth. Thus
it happened that, at the instance the long-ago child entered the world, at the
flap of the teepee was a hairlip dog: "Mark, mark! Mark! Mark, mark, mark mark!"
It was the luck of the draw the baby was male.
Obligatory LBC content: Did Adrian ever get his Midget to spin faster than my
Lawn Boy?
--
Bob Allen, Kansas City, '69CGT, '75TR6, '61Elva(?)
"The difference between a barking dog at the back door and a bitchy spouse at
the front door is that if you let the dog in it will shut up."
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