You live in California when . . .
1.You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell
phone.
3.The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4.You know how to eat an artichoke.
5.You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6.When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how
long it will take to get there rather than how far away it is.
You live in New York when . . .
1.You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2.You've never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3.You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4.You think Central Park is "nature."
5.You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
language makes you multi-lingual.
6.You've worn out your car horn.
7.You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You live in Alaska when . . .
1.You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
2.Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3.You have more than one recipe for moose.
4.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.
You live in the Deep South when . . .
1.You get a movie and bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3.After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are
ya?"
4."He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5.Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean, etc.
You live in Colorado when . . .
1.You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2.You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he
stops at the day care center.
3.A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4.The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
You live in the Midwest when . . .
1.You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4.You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5.When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It
was different!"
You live in Florida when...
1.You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon at a restaurant with an
early bird special.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind-even houses and
cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people who
drive 10 miles under the speed limit.
6. There are only GIANT doctors in Florida (Every person's doctor
is "The Biggest" in his field).
7. You can get a drivers license in the mail even if you are in a
nursing home.
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