A little holiday funny
-----Original Message-----
From: GuzziAlfa <GuzziAlfa@Home.com>
To: Paul M. Synk <psynk@us.oracle.com>; Nancy Fama <lacings@juno.com>; Lisa
Hussel <hussel8@flash.net>; Keith & Susan Dixon Goring
<Alfasun@esslink.com>; Julie Whitney <JWhitney68@Aol.com>; Jack & Kerry-Anne
Livingstone <liveat190@excite.com>; Jack & Debbie Harris
<JackDebbie@Aol.com>; Guy Barrett <maverick601@excite.com>; Dan & Diane Gore
<DJGore@Mindspring.com>; Brian A. Moran <BrianAMoran@worldnet.att.net>; Bill
& Cindy Ziegler <wild.bills@snet.net>; Art Alexander <ArtAlex@Iconn.net>
Date: Thursday, December 09, 1999 6:26 PM
Subject: ultimate revenge
>Sometimes, I just can't help myself.............
>Enjoy
>
>Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
>>had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely
>>saying,
>>
>>"Hello?"
>>
>>I politely said,
>>
>>"This is Steve Sims...could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
>>
>>Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
>>anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
>>called her. She had transposed the last two digits when she gave it to
>>me. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number... still
>>lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same
>>person answered, I yelled,
>>
>>"You're a jackass!,"
>>
>>and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote > the word "jackass," and
>>put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
>>bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd
>>yell,
>>
>>"You're a jackass!"
>>
>>It would always cheer me up. Then, the phone company introduced caller
>>ID. This was a real disappointment for me. I would now have to stop
>>calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number,
>>then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name.
>>
>>"Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just
>>calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program."
>>
>>He went,
>>
>>"No!,"
>>
>>and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,
>>
>>"That's because you're a jackass!"
>>
>>The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
>>there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about
>>it. Just dial 823-4863.
>>
>>THERE'S MORE...
>>
>>The old lady at the mall really > took her time pulling out of the
>>parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
>>car began to move, and she started to very slowly back out of the slot.
>>I backed up a little more, to give her plenty of room to pull out.
>>Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
>>Camaro came flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls
>>into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling,
>>
>>"You can't just do that Buddy! I was here first!"
>>
>>The guy climbed out of his Camaro, completely ignoring me. He walked
>>toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this
>>guy's a jackass, too. There are sure a lot of jackasses in this world.
>>Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his
>>Camaro. I wrote down the phone number. Then I hunted for another place
>>to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had
>>just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling,
>>
>>"You're jackass!"
>>
>>(It's really > easy to call him now, since I have his number on speed
>>dial). I noticed the phone number of the fellow with the black Camaro
>>lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a
>>couple of rings, someone answered the phone and said,
>>
>>"Hello."
>>
>>I said,
>>
>>"Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
>>
>>"Yes, it is."
>>
>>"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>>
>>"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
>>parked right out front."
>>
>>I said,
>>
>>"What's your name?"
>>
>>"My name is Don Hansen."
>>
>>"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>>
>>"I'm home in the evenings."
>>
>>"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
>>
>>"Yes."
>>
>>"Don, you're a jackass!"
>>
>>And I slammed the phone down. Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my
>>speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now,
>>when I had a problem, I had two jackasses to call. Then, after many
>>months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't
>>as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought
>>and came up with this solution... First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1.
>>A man answered nicely saying,
>>
>>"Hello."
>>
>>I yelled
>>
>>"You're a jackass!,"
>>
>>but I didn't hang up. The jackass said,
>>
>>"Are you still there?"
>>
>>"Yeah."
>>
>>"Stop calling me."
>>
>>"No."
>>
>>"What's your name, Pal?"
>>
>>"Don Hansen."
>>
>>"Where do you live?"
>>
>>"1802 West 34th Street. It's a nice yellow house and my black Camaro's
>>parked out front."
>>
>>"I'm coming over right now, Don. You had better start saying your
>>prayers."
>>
>>"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!"
>>
>>and I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered,
>>
>>"Hello."
>>
>>"Hello, Jackass!"
>>
>>"If I ever find out who you are..."
>>
>>"You'll what?"
>>
>>"I'll kick your ass."
>>
>>"Well, here's your chance, Jackass. I'm coming over right now to see
>>you! Jackass!"
>>
>>And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told
>>them I was at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was going to kill my gay
>>lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Fox Channel 14
>>about the gang war going on down on W. 34th Street. After that, I
>>climbed into my car and headed on over to 34th Street to watch the whole
>>thing.
>>
>>Glorious!
>>
>>Watching two Jackasses kicking the shit out of each other, in front of 6
>>squad cars and a police helicopter, was one of the greatest experiences
>>of my life.
>>
>>It ain't so much the things you don't know that get you in trouble. It's
>>the things you know that just ain't so.
>>-- Artimus Ward, 1834-1867
>>
>>You can always spot a well informed man - his views are the same as
>>yours.
>>--Ilka Chase
>>
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>>
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>
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