I was going through some backlogged messages from last year and I came
across this from my Audi list. It has some LBC, but I thought the TR list
would get a kick out of it for it's engineering humor.
Rave Racer
'89 Jetta 1.8L 16V GTX gone but not forgotten
http://www.vwot.org/members/Pete.html
'87 Audi 4000 Quattro Sedan
http://www.audifans.com/registry/view.php?action=viewCar&carid=110
'72 Triumph GT6
http://motorcities.com/contents/01I3H011116682.html
'83 Toyota Tercel (yoda) ... is no more
----- Original Message -----
From: Tessie McMillan <tessmc@drizzle.com>
To: <quattro@audifans.com>
Sent: Thursday, November 01, 2001 12:59 PM
Subject: Automotive Engineering Country by Country (NAC and long)
> This just came across on the Alfa digest, and a Quattro friend (Hi Chris!)
> reminded me I should also share it with you all! Tongue in cheek, now...
&:-)
>
> Tess
>
> A DIFFERENCE IN PHILOSOPHY
>
> Each carmaker on the planet has a different philosophy about How a
> Car Should Be Put Together. Let's take a single case...
>
> Let us say there is a single hypothetical panel in a hypothetical
> car. As a baseline, a totally unbiased (and therefore, Martian)
> engineer examines this cover and determines that it should be held in
> place with five phillips-head (crosshead) screws.
>
> JAPAN: The japanese would hold it down with exactly five .05c screws.
> Boring, reliable, soulless, exactly what is needed.
>
> UNITED STATES: For a long time, a US car's panel would be held on
> with three screws. This has changed, and now not only does it have
> five screws, all floor workers must have a communal decision as to
> how many screws it needs, and have the ability to stop the line
> entirely should a single screw be a funny color.
>
> GREAT BRITIAN: As with the US, previously this car's panel would be
> held on with three screws. Additionally, these screws would be
> flat-head style and made of Britishinium Metal, a mysterious alloy
> that can rust sitting under six inches of oil. Nowadays all the car
> companies have been sold to the US or Germany, so see those entries.
>
> FRANCE: Only Americans would be so obnoxious as to think how a panel
> is held on is important. Unions and employee pride are of far more
> concern. Please come with us to strike for ten more weeks paid
> vacation.
>
> GERMANY: Every panel on every car is held on with precisely ten
> aircraft-grade titanium/tungsten alloy nuts and bolts torqued to
> precisely 15.402 lbs-ft. Replacements are sold only in sets of 20,
> and typically cost $350US. A German mechanic will explain to you, in
> graphic detail, exactly what would happen should you use a "lower
> quality" nut or bolt.
>
> RUSSIA: Owing to parts shortages, each panel is welded in place.
> A cutter costs 8,000,000,000,000,000 rubles (about $12.15 US), and
> the official wait is approximately 28 months. However, a stranger
> named "Igor" will sell you a cutter right away for $40 US (cash
> only). You notice PROPERTY OF SOVIET ARMY scratched out on the side.
>
> ITALY (Goes Fast approach): The Italian is somewhat
> different. If the panel has something to do with making the car Go
> Fast, it will be just like Germany's entry, with the addition that
> every bolt head will have a beautiful logo cast into it.
>
> ITALY (Everything Else): The italian panel has no screws at all.
> Rather, it is held in with a very clever arrangement of grommets,
> snap rings, and C-clips so that it seems to be Part of the Car.
> However, due to lack of testing, the rubber in the grommets rots in a
> few years, and since the panel can only be removed with special tool
> AR001.2399943.011034444.2.1.1, the rubber is hardly ever replaced and
> so tends to rattle. Enthusiasts of this car will have endless debates
> on the value of this panel, some will remove it, some will maintain
> it religiously, and at least one author will write a book telling you
> how to make a tool that will work out of a '73 GMC lug wrench.
>
> SWEDEN: The panel in a swedish car is held on with 25 screws.
> Curiously, one has to put the car in reverse in order to remove it.
>
> p.s. - I think the only thing I would add to "Germany" is that any screws
> all need to be torqued with their star tips pointing in the same
> direction! &:-) and .... for "Sweden" (at least at Volvo) I believe the
> screws each have to go through a crash-test &;-)))). NO FLAMES! I love
> Volvo!
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