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Beer Symptons & Solutions

To: triumphs@autox.team.net
Subject: Beer Symptons & Solutions
From: GuyotLeonF@aol.com
Date: Thu, 20 May 1999 19:49:54 EDT
Beer Symptoms & Solutions

Symptom: Beer unusually pale & tasteless
Fault: Glass empty
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
Fault: You have fallen over backwards
Action: Have yourself lashed to the bar

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts
Fault: You have fallen forwards onto bar
Action: See above

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of shirt wet
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

Symptom: Feet cold and wet
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

Symptom: Feet warm and wet
Fault: Improper bladder control
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about it's house training

Symptom: Floor Blurred
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Floor moving
Fault: You are being carried out 
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark
Fault: Bar has closed
Action: Confirm home address with bartender

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect & textures
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations (again)
Action: Cover mouth

With thanks to the good people of the 
Triumph Sports Car Club of Southern Africa - Port Elizabeth Chapter 

Leon F Guyot

 
 

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