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Re: Queen's English - no LBC content

To: Peter.Hore@dhs.vic.gov.au
Subject: Re: Queen's English - no LBC content
From: Peter.Hore@dhs.vic.gov.au
Date: Tue, 10 Feb 98 16:13:39 +1100
Cc: walker05@camosun.bc.ca, triumphs@Autox.Team.Net, zink@pdq.net
     
     >Lay off on James, at least you can understand what he's trying to 
     >say.
     >Reading phonetically isn't that hard.
     
     >-Malcolm
     >
     
     If you have difficulty with phonetics, you may be interested in the 
     following.
     
     Peter H
     TR6 CF13471U 
     
     
     **********************************************************************
     
     Proposed Changes to the English Language EEC Directive: 
     1997/10/56381/2
     
     Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the 
     European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study to determine 
     ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government 
     departments. 
     
     European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is 
     unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through 
     and thorough are all spelt similarly yet pronounced differently. What 
     is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these 
     anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a 
     committee of staff at top level by participating nations.
     
     In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' 
     instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sites would 
     resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' 
     sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up 
     konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be 
     made with one less letter.
     
     There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was 
     announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. 
     This would make words such as 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in 
     print.
     
     In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be 
     expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are 
     possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double leters 
     which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
     
     We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's and 'h's in the 
     languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read 
     and writ as though nothing ad apend. By this tim it would be four 
     years sins the sken began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh 
     as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be takn 
     on by 'v', vitsh is after al, alf a 'w'. Shortly aftr zis ze unesesary 
     'o' kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud 
     of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. 
     
     Kontinuing zis proses yer aftr yer, ve vud eventuli av a reli sensibl 
     riten styl. Aftr tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and 
     evrivun vud find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvrmnt 
     vud finali av kum tru.
     
     **********************************************************************


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