Listers,
Got this off the AUTORACE listserv.
Just thought I'd share it with the racers here.
Appologies to the rest.
Cheers,
John
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>You might be a racer if....
>
>-- You know how to properly pronounce "Ligier".
>
>-- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
>
>-- You've ever had to explain the term "pucker factor".
>
>-- You've been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors'
> dammit!" at your television.
>
>-- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
>
>-- You bought a race car before buying a house.
>
>-- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new
> house.
>
>-- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the
> spares.
>
>-- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought
> furniture!
>
>-- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown
> your garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you
> park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
>
>-- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in
> order of importance):
> 1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
> 2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dully,
> a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
> 3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
> 4) A gease pit.
> 5) Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
> 6) Deaf neighbors.
> 7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
> 8) Some sort of house with a working toilet on the property
> somewhere
> -or-
> hookups for the motorhome.
>
>-- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of
> race tires that could have been purchased.
>
>-- "You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalent of
> three sets of tires"
>
>-- You hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of
> "Luby's".
>
>-- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises
> and shift and practice your heal and toe, while waiting for
> your motor to get back from the machine shop.
>
>-- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
>
>-- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm
> getting a new mink."
>
>-- If you can lose five pounds in a July afternoon while eating
> chili dogs.
>
>-- Your children are named after famous race car drivers (and
> one or more of them were conceived at a race track).
>
>-- your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
>
>-- you're tired of people asking how fast your car is and
> expecting to hear the top speed in MPH, not a lap time at
> some local track.
>
>-- you have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week,
> and the vehicle that gets you around the other 6 days is
> rusted, covered with duct tape, and has a pair of Vise
> Grips holding the clutch cable together. You promise
> yourself you'll fix it right after this season, or when you
> need your Vise Grips for something else.
>
>-- you have enough spare parts to build another car
>
>-- more than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and
> greets you by name when you call
>
>-- you have car parts in your cubicle at work
>
>-- the guys at the local tire store laugh when you come in
>
>-- your grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of
> jammies that cost $400 and the seat doesn't even drop down
>
>-- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is:
> "Racers, start your engines!"
>
>-- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and
> rested on weekends."
>
>-- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer
> Wholesale.
>
>-- Your Christmas list begins with a Webster gearbox and Carrillo
> rods (and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
>
>-- After your answer to "How was your weekend?" the next question
> is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
>
>-- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
>
>-- You've ever repaired your lawn mower with AN hardware.
>
>-- Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
>
> Questionable taste...but true:
>-- A new racing catalog arrives in the mail and you disappear to
> the bathroom for hours.
>
>-- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts
> and racing supply catalogs, several books written by famous
> drivers, every book Caroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car
> magazines, none of which have centerolds.
>
>-- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
>
>-- People know you by your "off"s.
> "Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at Lime Rock last
> weekend!"
>
>-- your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
>
>-- your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto
> repair skills. Air tools optional.
>
>-- your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and
> driver's suit.
>
>-- your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
>
>-- you plan your wedding around the race schedule.
>
>-- you astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped
> breaker bar every other week or so.
>
>-- you remember the dates and details of every race you've ever
> been in, but can't remember your phone number.
>
>-- your family brings the couch into the garage so they can
> spend some time with you.
>
>-- You know you might be a racer when crawling around in the
> muck wrenching on your own car is _much_ more appealing than
> reclining on the sofa, watching the pretty cars go around on TV
> with a beer in your hand...
>
>-- (you might be a Corner Worker if...)
> you pick up the phone and say, "Control this is...."
>
>-- you complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps
> don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
>
>-- a neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query,
> "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
>
>-- a neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you hand them brushes
> for a generator/alternator and they give you a funny look.
>
>-- you tell a friend you need to clean up the head this weekend
> and they think you mean the toilet.
>
>-- you give out [your favorite racing catalog here]'s number
> when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
>
>-- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as
> "Turn One."
>
>-- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex
> marker.
>
>-- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work (or school).
>
>-- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass few
> cars coming out.
>
>-- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through
> the turn (not neccessary going fast).
>
>-- You always do a toe & heel down shift while whoever might be
> your passenger gives you a real funny look.
>
>-- You buy real cheap tires for your street car, so you can save
> $$$ for the real (race) tires.
>
>-- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course,
> you are the best.
>
>-- You can't stand understeer.
>
>-- You always want to change something in your street car to
> make it handle better.
>
>-- You will galdly pay up to $6 for a bottle of engine oil.
>
>-- You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800
> miles to the race track.
>
>-- You memorized the menu at Denny's.
>
>-- You buy Gatorade by box.
>
>-- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who
> can't drive.
>
>-- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow
> bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
>
>-- You save broken car parts as " momentous".
>
>-- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the
> curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
>
>-- you've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane
> gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol)
>
>-- when your friends who smoke come over you've got these
> really unusual ash trays for them to use (made by J&E
> and ROSS)
>
>-- you've got 3 immaculate race cars always race ready, but your
> wife has to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in
> her car
>
>-- your "daily driver" is continuously being mistaken for an
> abandoned car as you haven't taken the time to wash it in
> over a year
>
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