____________________________________
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Ju st get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that very moment.
11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
12. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
13. Your friends love you anyway.
14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built
the Ar k. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
15. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes,
and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge erections but absolutely no recollection
of
what to do with them.
____________________________________
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