Somehow, beyond everyone's expectations, Desmond Kludge did eventually
wed
and father a child; this forum is too genteel to discuss what devices he
invented to accomplish _that_. He named his daughter Vera, usually
nicknamed Verey "because she was such a pistol". She married an exiled East
European, Count Dzaubbe, who died tragically soon after in trials
competition, driving an aero-engined Dellow which sailed straight over the
hilltop in its first outing and into a ravine beyond.
The count died penniless, so Verey Kludge-Dzaubbe, looking for work,
arrived at the gates of the Rootes group; the management, not recognizing
the name, hired her. At this time, Rootes ledgers did not look as healthy
as one would like, so a Manufacturing Efficiencies Department was formed,
and Verey placed at it's head.
Vera tore into Rootes' designs and materials lists with a passion; what
management did not know was that she had kept her father's notebooks, which
she used as a guideline.In an effort to reduce manufacturing, materials and
supplies costs, she introduced, primarily on Alpines and Tigers:
A) A reduction in the length of the cable-mounting boss on the back of the
speedometer, saving 1/20 of a shilling and 1/100 ounce in weight, and
provided for a firm, secure insertion of the cable into the back of the
speedometer.
B) Removal from the original plan for the 1959 models the ground wires for
all lights, understanding that the little screws into the bodywork for
mounting would ground the lamps.
C) Savings of three pounds Sterling a year by removing the heavy rod
linkage for the bonnet release with a lightweight cable; a side benefit was
a change in the front-to-back weight bias.
D) Substitution of a plastic clirclip on the original parts list for the
heavy metal collar with setscrew that was to have secured the central rod
in the adjustable-steering-column assembly.
E) The Easi-Service fuse box; by reducing the number of fuses to two,
increased the probability of replacing the correct one to 50-50.
F) A revised Panhard rod bracket versus the one originally planned; by
being shortened, it could be made lighter and less likely to bend, and
required less welding to secure.
G) Aero-Wheels (never officially marketed as such), a concept drawn from
the Metropolitan Verey normally drove. Compared to the Alpine as originally
planned, she introduced narrower wheels and tires for less aerodynamic
drag; this also permitted smaller wheel wells and fender lip openings for
an even more streamlined look. This feature proves Verey's impact on all
aspects of Rootes engineering, as Aero-Wheels were even on Kenneth Howe's
clay model.
H) The clip-on headlight trim ring, to speed the assembly process.
All in all, we cannot lightly dismiss the accomplishments of Desmond
Kludge's daughter; indeed, her contributions to our cars include many of
the features we discuss most often!
Does anyone on the List work for Microsoft? I know Vera's getting on in
years, but if she's going to the company picnic...
Lawrence R. Wright
lrw@aop.com
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