Thx.,...I'll pass these on.
______________________________ Reply Separator _________________________________
Subject: Something to Tickle You
Author: "Sharon LeBrun" <sharon_lebrun@tcibr.com> at ~INTERNET
Date: 7/26/96 9:42 AM
Subject: Time:8:28 AM
OFFICE MEMO Something to Tickle You Date:7/26/96
The story is told of the big Polack lumberjack who bought a brand new chainsaw
and was told it could cut down at least 100 trees a day.
But on the first day he only managed to cut down 25 trees. The next day he
tried harder and finally cut down 33 trees. The third day he started early,
worked late, and even cut his lunchbreak short, but he still managed to cut
down only 48 trees.
He went back to the store and confronted the manager with his complaint. He
told him of his efforts and of the results. The manager couldn't quite
understand what had gone wrong, so he asked to take a look. He grabbed the
starter rope and pulled hard, and the motor started with a roar.
The Polack jumped back in alarm and yelled, "Hey! What's that big noise?"
Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of
cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard
cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the
money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving
his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs
with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official
realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs
official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A
substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies,
etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to
have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages
rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a
check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that
he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and
stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in
the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself
stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a
street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then
realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could
not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was
bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got
stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was
too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator
BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that
they locked the
keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
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