Good information for the most part, though you're leaving out the
Mississippi Delta in the best places to have the blues - Alabama, Georgia,
most of the southern states would do as well.
I'm not sure about the computer owner not being able to have the blues;
seems like someone trying to connect to the web with their Commadore 20
might have a legitimate claim on getting the blues...
Blues come in many shades - Oh, I loves the blues...
Yours,
Asthmatic Mango Fillmore
*8o)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Scott Paceley" <spaceley@uiuc.edu>
To: <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Cc: <GRMTim@aol.com>
Sent: Friday, October 18, 2002 10:02 AM
Subject: Blues explanation/sing-along
> Got this explanation of the blues.
>
> Thought y'all could relate....
>
>
> > >1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
> >>
> >>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you
> >> stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman,
with
> >>the meanest face in town."
> >>
> >>3 . The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat
it.Then
> >> find something that rhymes sort of: "Got a good woman with the
> >>meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face
> >>in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pound."
> >>
> >> 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in
a
> >> ditch... ain't no way out.
> >>
> >> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, old Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
> >>Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most
Blues
> >> transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet
> >>aircraft ain't
> >> even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues
lifestyle. So
> >> does fixin' to die.
> >>
> >> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults
> >>sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get
> >>the electric chair if you shot a man in Memphis.
> >>
> >>7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere
in
> >> Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical
> >> depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the
> >>best places to
> >> have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that doesn't
get
> >> rain.
> >>
> >> 8. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting
> >>is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot and sit by the dumpster.
> >>
> >> 9. Good places for the Blues:
> >> a. highway
> >> b. jailhouse
> >> c. empty bed
> >> d. bottom of a whiskey glass
> >>
> >> 10. Bad places for the Blues:
> >> a. Nordstrom's
> >> b. gallery openings
> >> c. Ivy League institutions
> >> d. golf courses
> >>
> >> 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less
you
> >>happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
> >>
> >> 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
> >> a. you older than dirt
> >> b. you blind
> >> c. you shot a man in Memphis
> >> d. you can't be satisfied
> >> Not, if:
> >> a. you have all your teeth
> >> b. you were once blind but now can see
> >> c. the man in Memphis lived
> >> d. you have a 401K or trust fund
> >>
> >> 13. Blues is not a matter of color, it's a matter of bad luck.
> >>Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
> >>
> >> 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline,
> >>it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
> >> a. cheap wine
> >> b. whiskey or bourbon
> >> c. muddy water
> >> d. black coffee
> >>
> >> The following are NOT Blues beverages:
> >> a. Perrier
> >> b. Chardonnay
> >> c. Snapple
> >> d. Slim Fast
> >> e. Pinot Grigio
> >> f. Sour Apple Martini's
> >>
> >> 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a
Blues
> >>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
die.
> >>So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a
> >>broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
> >>tennis match or while getting liposuction.
> >>
> >> 16. Some Blues names for women:
> >> a. Alma
> >> b. Big Mama
> >> c. Lil' Momma
> >> d. Bessie
> >> e. Fat River Dumpling
> >>
> >> 17. Some Blues names for men:
> >> a. Joe
> >> b. Willie
> >> c. Little Willie
> >> d. Big Willie
> >>
> >> 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and
Heather
> >> can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shot in Memphis.
> >>
> >> 19. Make your own Blues name starter kit:
> >> a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
> >> b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
etc.)
> >> c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
> >>
> >> For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple
Kiwi
> > >Fillmore, etc.
> >> (Well, maybe not "Kiwi, try Peach.")
> >>
> >> 20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you
cannot
> > >sing the blues.
>
>
> Sing along - y'all know tune...
>
>
> Took mah broke down Meeeata...
>
> For t' shoot a man in Sheboygan...
>
> Now I'ma sittin' in this Starbucks...
>
> Drinkin' mandarin-orange-smoothies til I die.
>
> (still workin on that last stanza)
> --
> Scott Paceley
> spaceley@uiuc.edu * 217-333-8759 * Champaign, IL
> graphic design, photography, digital imaging
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