> Dear Santa,
> I woud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
> YeR FReND,
> BiLLy
>
> Dear Billy,
> Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How 'bout I
> send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your
> older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
> Santa
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and
> joy in the world for everybody!
> Love,
> Sarah
> Dear Sarah,
> You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
> Santa
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
> and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
> Love,
> Teddy
> Dear Teddy,
> What, like your dad's going to quit banging the babysitter like a screen
> door in a hurricane, son? Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit,
> a pony and a tuba.
> Love,
> Francis
> Dear Francis,
> Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your
> reindeer outside the back door.
> Love,
> Susan
> Dear Susan,
> Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want
> to kiss my ass? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
> Your friend,
> Thomas
> Dear Thomas,
> All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, Where I spend most my
> time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing money at the craps
> table. Hey, you wanted to know.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like
> in the song?
> Love,
> Jessica
> Dear Jessica,
> Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
> your house.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dear Santa,
> I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
> could I have one?
> Timmy
> Timmy,
> That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work
> up here. You're getting a sweater again.
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Dearest Santa,
> We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
> Love,
> Marky
> Mark,
> Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass
> whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
> low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
the
> burglars do, through your bedroom window.
> Sweet Dreams,
> Santa
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
>
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