> > Jim Lehrer:
> > Welcome to the second presidential debate between
> > Vice President Al Gore
> > and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed
> > on these rules: I will
> > ask a question. The candidate will ignore the
> > question and deliver rehearsed
> > remarks designed to appeal to undecided women
> > voters. The opponent will
> > then have one minute to respond by trying to
> > frighten senior citizens into
> > voting for him. When a speaker's time has expired, I
> > will whimper softly
> > while
> > he continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for
> > three more minutes.
> >
> >
> > Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can
> > you give us the name
> > of a downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her
> > story in a way that
> > strains the bounds of common sense?
> >
> > Gore:
> > As I was saying to Tipper last night after we
> > tenderly made love the way
> > we have so often during the 30 years of our
> > rock-solid marriage, the
> > downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My
> > opponent wants to
> > cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans. I,
> > on the other hand, want
> > to put the richest 1 percent in an ironclad lockbox
> > so they can't hurt old
> > people like Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here
> > tonight. Mrs.
> > Frampinhamper has been selling her internal organs,
> > one by one, to pay for
> > gas so that
> > she can travel to these debates and personify
> > problems for me. Also, her
> > poodle has arthritis.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
> >
> > Bush:
> > Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging
> > people, crying with
> > them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo
> > opportunity exists. I want to
> > empower those crying people to make their own
> > decisions, unlike my
> > opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if
> > Slobodan Milosevic were to
> > launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would
> > you be able to
> > pronounce his name?
> >
> > Bush:
> > The current administration had eight years to deal
> > with that guy and
> > didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing
> > I would do about that
> > guy is have Dick
> > Cheney confer with our allies. And then Dick would
> > present me several
> > options for dealing with that guy. And then Dick
> > would tell me which one
> > to choose. You know, as governor of Texas, I have to
> > make tough foreign
> > policy decisions every day about how we're going to
> > deal with New Mexico.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
> >
> > Gore:
> > Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly
> > interested in. I
> > served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was
> > a victim of poison gas
> > in
> > World War I. I myself lost a leg in the
> > Franco-Prussian War. And when that
> > war was over, I came
> > home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a way that
> > any undecided woman
> > voter would find romantic. If I'm entrusted with
> > the office of president, I
> > pledge to deal
> > knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic,
> > by putting it in an
> > ironclad lockbox. Because the American people
> > deserve a president who can
> > comfort them with simple metaphors.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social
> > Security system?
> >
> > Gore:
> > It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman
> > and I have proposed
> > changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give
> > $50,000 to every
> > senior citizen without having it cost the federal
> > treasury a single penny
> > until
> > the year 2250. In addition, my budget commits $60
> > trillion over the next 10
> > years to guarantee that all senior citizens can have
> > drugs delivered free
> > to their homes every Monday by a federal employee
> > who will
> > also help them with the child-proof cap.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Gov. Bush?
> >
> > Bush:
> > That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of
> > Texas, I have to do
> > math every day. I have to add up the numbers and
> > decide whether I'm going to
> > fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or
> > commit funds to reroof the
> > sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > It's time for closing statements.
> >
> > Gore:
> > I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting
> > politician, but I will
> > fight for the working families of America, in
> > addition to turning the White
> > House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper
> > and me.
> >
> > Bush:
> > It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past
> > by electing no one
> > but Republicans.
> >
> > Lehrer:
> > Good night.
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