>About 1974, I had a new apartment dweller move into the apartment
>downstairs when the original person moved out. The new guy was about 320
>pounds and had to duck and turn sideways to enter a standard 30" by 80"
>door. He was a bouncer at a local bar. He stood just about 6' 8" and
>weighed about 350. When he came home from work it was 3:00 AM and he
>would turn on his stereo to enjoy some tunes. Unfortunately his stereo
>was just below my head when I was sleeping. Talking to him nicely didn't
>seem to make a dent.
>
>You have to understand that we lived under the traffic pattern for
>Teterboro airport- one of the oldest airports in the United Stated and
>the second buiest general aviation airport in the country. It was not
>unusual for aircraft to come over our heads at all times of the day and
>night.
>
>One early morning, about 6:00 am in the winter, I got up, laid my EMI
>speakers face down on the floor, cranked it up and played him a sound
>track from the USS Enterprise which started out launching an F4 Phantom
>across the room on a catapult launch. You must be aware that Phantoms
>were extremely loud in real lif eand with our location I am sure he
>thought one was truly entering his room. As he bailed out of the
>apartment below me, he knocked over and tripped over a 5 gallon pail of
>water which someone had placed in front of his door, winding up lying in
>the snow in a spilled bucket of ice water. I gave him a spritely "Good
>Morning" from the upstairs window and never had a problem with him
>again. specially when I mentioned to him that the next time he did
>anything, I would call the cops and they might hapen to find possibly
>some questionable substances in his apartment.
>
>Another technique involved the use of dummy hand grenades, but that is
>for another time.
>
>If they are in violation of zoning laws there is a different kind of
>pressure that can be applied.
>
>I am full of suggestions and experience gained in 39 years of living in
>the New York Metropolitan area.
Good Lord. I'm not worthy.
You know, I envision a nation-wide fleet of black Ford vans with your
smiling face on the side...
Dalton's Pest Humiliation and Revenge Services.
Is that recording still in print?
Scott Paceley * spaceley@uiuc.edu * 217-333-8759
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