> Once and for all time, why did the chicken cross the road?
>
> JERRY FALWELL
> Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see
> the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the
> "other side." That's what "they" call it, the "other side." Yes, my
> friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
> become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
> abomination! That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
> It's as plain and simple as that.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN
> To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
>
> DR. SEUSS
> Did the chicken cross the road?
> Did he cross it with a toad?
> Did he do in on a goad?
> Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
> but why it crossed, I've not been told!
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY
> To die. In the rain.
>
> MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
> I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
> without having their motives called into question.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH, JR.
> He was young and irresponsible, and acted that way. But I assure
> you, the chicken hasn't crossed the road in over 25 years.
>
> GRANDPA
> In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
> told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
> for us.
>
> ARISTOTLE
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> KARL MARX
> It was historicallly inevitable.
>
> SADDAM HUSSAIN
> This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and so we were quite
> justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on that chicken.
>
> RONALD REAGAN
> Well, uh, Nancy and I, we like chicken. And jellybeans.
>
> KEN STARR
> I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
> the President of the United States of
> America in an effort to deceive law enforcement officials and the
> American public from the criminal
> wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
> As a result, the chicken is a pawn in the President's ongoing scheme
> to obstruct justice. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the
> chicken immunity if he cooperates fully with our investigation.
> Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other
> side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional
> follow-up whether Sidney Blumenthal leaked information to the Rev.
> Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to
> discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at
> least to rufflehis feathers.
>
> CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
> To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
>
> FOX MULDER
> You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
> have to cross before you believe it?
>
> FREUD
> The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
> road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
>
> BILL GATES
> I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads,
> but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
> checkbook; and Internet explorer is an inextricable part of
> eChicken, it is not a marketing scheme.
>
> EINSTEIN
> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath
> the chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON
> Now, I'm only gonna say this once, I did not have sexual relations
> with that chicken...
>
> LOUIS FARRAKHAN
> The road is black, so you see, the road represents the black man.
> The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep
> him down.
>
> THE OLD TESTAMENT
> And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
> chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the
> road, and there was much rejoicing.
>
> REGIS PHILBIN
> For one million dollars, is the answer a,b,c or d? You're sure?
> Is that your final answer?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS
> I missed one?
|