Linda, if I may be so forward as to answer in lieu of (or in addition to) the
Vulture, I'd be happy to kidnap you. Though there aren't any children here
(outside of the crawlspace, and they don't make much noise), I'm afraid that
only pudgy white guys are available from this end. And while it's misting out
right now, here in Seattle that counts for desert conditions.
I might take this opportunity to point out the plight of the Pudgy White Guy,
by no means an endangered species, but one which all potential kidnap victims
ignore as a potential saviour. For every handsome young man in a tuxedo,
there's 10 pudgy white guys in polo shirts and ill-fitting slacks talking on
cellular phones. I'll skip the pudgy guys of colors other than white, if only
because they usually have the sense to skip the polo shirts.
To demonstrate that I'm not nearly as shallow as all that, I'll consider
kidnapping you even if you aren't an absolute total babe, though a photo,
measurements and letter explaining your financial situation would be
appreciated (purely for insurance reasons).
Roger Los
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