Return-path: <ONeillcomm@aol.com>
From ONeillcomm at aol.com
Full-name: ONeillcomm
Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2003 21:57:23 EST
Subject: Trailer trash
To: HealeyRic2@aol.com
Some useful ways to determine if you're really trailer trash (or from rural
Maine):
>
> 1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
>
> 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front
of
her kids.
>
> 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
>
> 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
night.
>
> 5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
>
> 6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
>
> 7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, watch this."
>
> 8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
>
> 9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
>
> 10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
>
> 11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen
start
your engines."
>
> 12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its
wheels.
>
> 13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how
much
gas is in it.
>
> 14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
>
> 15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
>
> 16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House
of Tattoos.
>
> 17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against
it.
>
> 18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
>
> 19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
>
> 20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
>
> 21. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on
the side.
>
> 22. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart...
>
> 23. If your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V...
>
> 24. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler...
>
> 25. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table...
>
> 26. If you think a quarter horse is that ride out in front of the K-Mart.
>
> 27. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings
you
home...
>
> 28. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 dollars worth of
improvement...
>
> 29. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher
>
> 30. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's it hangin?"
>
> 31. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty...
>
> 32. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
>
> 33. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
take
them out to see what it is...
>
> 34. If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said
concentrate.
>
> 35. If you've ever been too drunk to fish.
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