Peter C....just in case you swing through....
Rules for Being in TEXAS
The following list of rules apply to each person as they enter Texas.
Know them and learn them.
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road'. I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. We have pigs, cattle, and oil wells -- that's what they smell like
to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20
and
I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks
a
year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old.
Yeah, we saw "Bambi," too. We got over it.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish, and crawdads. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you jack-slapped, by our women.
11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of
age.
12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
pounds of ham and turkey.
13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices -- salt, pepper, and
Tabasco sauce.
14. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served
over ice and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it better
have 4
legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or
pheasant.
You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to
shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
16. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
17. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education
and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups
when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other
state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do, it will get your butt
kicked by the best!
19. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man,
woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA
Certified
Shooter Education Course.
20. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can
make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it
without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!!
Robert Houston
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without
even considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry
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