Frank among others should be able to relate to this.,,
The Modern Toolbox
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict
pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict
pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down
behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and
dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn
on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never
goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard
with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing
you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working
on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of
electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal
to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging
complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old
paint off the side of the house.
Chain saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique
the job you're doing or offer advice.
Robert Houston
Santa Teresa, NM
'74 Midget
63 TR4
..
NOTICE - This message and any attached files may contain disinformation that
is confidential, superfulous, possibly vulgar, and often without taste or any
socially redeeming value intended only for use by the intended recipient or
anyone so unlucky as to accidentally receive this. If you are not the
intended recipient or the person responsible for delivering the message to
the intended recipient, you must have a defective computer so unplug it
immediately and be advised that you have received this message in error and
that any dissemination, deprecation, copying or use of this message or
attachment in any immoral or un-natural way is strictly forbidden, as is the
disclosure of the information therein, or the source of such information. If
you have received this message in error...tough...just delete the message.
|