Hi Everybody!
Just to join the growing group of mismatched owners, I took the Car-O-Scope
test, and have joined the ranks of the misinterpreted, although, when going
over the in depth analysis, I find they are probably correct about my grasp
of reality- Very Low. Here is the text, in full, with editorial statements
by yours truly, of their results.: {PS The joke is on them, I own a Herald,
and soon(hopefully) A TR-3(project)}
Hello, Scott
Here is your official Car-O-Scope, the patented Car Talk assessment of the
compatibility between you and your Triumph Spitfire. As you well know, the
degree of compatibility between you and your car is crucial to your
happiness and well-being! Driving the right vehicle--i.e., having the
correct "carma"--will give you an incredible lightness of being, a constant
sensation of euphoria and, possibly, a Rocky Mountain high. On the other
hand, the wrong "relationship" can be devastating: a continuous frown, a
deep and inexplicable depression, a sense of foreboding. In short, a life of
quiet desperation--not to mention an incredible headache, lower back pain
and continuous hemorrhoidal flare-ups.
So, ready or not, here it is.
Comparing You to Other Triumph Spitfire Owners
Boy oh boy, Scott, you picked a vehicle that just isn't quite right for you.
You're compatible with your Triumph Spitfire only in terms of your age and
how much you really care about your car.
When compared to other people who drive a Triumph Spitfire, you're a little
too much of a risk-taker, you're more generous than other owners, your
educational level is a bit lower than that of other Triumph Spitfire owners,
you are a little too much of a snob, other Triumph Spitfire owners make more
money than you, and you're a bit too 'touchy-feely' {touch this}
For your further edification, here's a little further elucidation on these
personality characteristics.
You certainly are a bit of a nut case, aren't you, when it comes to taking
chances (well, at least compared to other Triumph Spitfire owners). Calm
down. CALM DOWN! It's not the end of the world, for heaven's sake. And
nobody is asking you to change anything about who you are. We'd never do
that. Go ahead. Jump off a cliff if that's what makes you happy. But, if
this is really what you are, you're gonna have to change vehicles.{Triumph
ownership IS the auto equivalent of jumping off a cliff- You have to go with
gusto, or the car can tell, and lets off on you! S.}
Compared to most other Triumph Spitfire owners, you certainly aren't the
type who squeezes a nickel to see if the buffalo will cough up a dime. No,
not you. Quite the contrary. Let's face it, you're far too generous a person
to be driving a Triumph Spitfire. So continue to "cast your bread upon the
waters," and Car-O-Scope will find a vehicle that's more compatible with
your generous nature.{Yeah, Right. I've made Lincoln say "Uncle!" squeezing
PENNIES, not to mention making the Buffalo "Moo"... S.}
Gee, this is interesting. Car-O-Scope has determined that you are a person
who is quite concerned with status. And yet, you're driving a Triumph
Spitfire. Other Triumph Spitfire drivers just aren't as much of a snob as
you are. We're going to have to do something about this, now aren't we?{ME?
A snob! That is about as far wrong as you get. If I was, I'd have my back
end in a Lexus, or some such turkey. Snob. Pbbbbbth! S}
Some of us have an overdeveloped left brain and some have an overdeveloped
right brain. And your strength is definitely on the right: the more
creative, touchy-feely side. This is not a bad thing. The world certainly
does need poets, musicians and people to work on the world psychic
network.{I am feeling a presence from you...You are possessed by
idiots...They make you say stupid things...S.}
But this characteristic does make you somewhat incompatible with your
Triumph Spitfire. Other Triumph Spitfire owners are more objective and
logical. But you are what you are, so take your pick: Change what you are or
get a new car. (That rhymes, doesn't it? And rhyming is a right-brain thing.
Cool.){Here's a rhyme for you...Once I had a Spitfire, I fixed the tranny, I
fixed the tire...Because it knew I cared so well, It looked real nice, and
ran real well. Someone said we weren't well matched, so it left him there an
oil patch! S.}
Car-O-Scope Makes Suggestions for More Compatible Vehicles
Have no fear, Car-O-Scope is here to save you from a life of misery,
depression and hemorrhoidal flare-ups. Through a secret and proprietary
process (patent pending) the official car-o-scope has determined that your
psychographic and demographic profile is far more compatible with the
following vehicles: some of these suggestions might surprise you. But try to
keep an open mind. It's quite possible that the car-o-scope has discovered
some hidden and/or repressed aspects of your personality.
1.Oldsmobile Cutlass (Perhaps an early 70's 4-4-0. At best[though I did
once have a Cutlass Ciera- gift from an ex girlfriend. It was ok, but never
a favorite]}
2.Volvo 244{Get Bent. I wouldn't touch a Volvo if you paid me.}
3.Honda Passport{Drive it from the line into the crusher. No use for
recycled beer cans}
4.BMW 2002{Yeah Right. You see the price of those things?}
5.BMW 328i{Sure, and I'll have a nice glass of wine to go with my escargot
after tennis. What do you think Suzie? Threesome with the butler tonight?
BMW My Aunt Fannie.}
So, let's look at your compatibility profile vis-a-vis the Oldsmobile
Cutlass. If you dumped that Triumph Spitfire and got yourself a Oldsmobile
Cutlass, you'd be a lot happier.
For example, you'd be almost perfectly compatible in terms of your gender,
your age, your educational level, status consciousness, and how much you
really care about your car.
In addition, you'd have pretty good compatibility in terms of your tolerance
for taking risks, the extent to which you're a cheapskate, and your grasp of
reality.{And you'd be happier ion a Yugo Special(they added a red stripe for
raciness!) S.}
Here's a little info on these personality characteristics. Read 'em and
weep.
Status consciousness:
I know a few people who will go to any lengths to impress others. ("Oh, yes,
I went to Haahvaad.) I love them, don't you? Neither do I. The kind of
people I like to have coffee with are "jamokes." Are you familiar with this
term? No? Well, I guess you didn't go to Haahvaad, now, did you? { I, er,
ah, um, wouldn't go to an er, ah, um Kennedy, er, ah College, as I prefer to
er, ah, speak without ah, stopping every er, ah, two or ah, three, ah words
for breath.S.}
Auto involvement: how much you really care about your car
As you certainly know, some people don't care what they drive; a car is just
a way to get from here to there and back. (Unless you're driving a sled,
like Tommy. Every time he gets home, he throws his hands in the air and
yells, "I made it!" But I digress.{Sled, Antique car. Difference? Sled has
more horsepower. But less fun on a windy road, unless you like sparks. S.})
For other people, a car is everything. You know the type; if you refer to
their "significant other," they say, "You mean my BMW?"
Your score for auto involvement is just about the same as other Oldsmobile
Cutlass drivers'.{What? I appear to want to go to drunken frat parties and
drive a piece of junk? Hey.. Maybe there is something to this... Nah- I'll
stick with the Brit tin. S.}
But don't delay! Your health, happiness and general well being are at stake
here. Don't drive that Triumph Spitfire for another day.{I can't drive it
till I finish restoring it! S.}
And, don't drive like my brother.{Your brother probably drives like you do.
And hopefully that is better than you analytical abilities. S.}
There you have it folks. Complete with in depth parenthetical bracketry.
These guys obviously hate Spitfires, and are too scared to add Heralds to
their repertoire!
Scott
Going back into the darkness of Herald ownership now...At least that Dodge
Vista didn't get on MY list!
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